Lillian Days
by yeyeo
Summary: [Complete] Epilogue is up! YumiSachiko. Post Haru series. You know when they say love needs time to grow, they tend to forget the weeds that grow with love. Weeds that prevents the love from flowering. [Note! A better CHAP 16 is out!]
1. Couple

Disclaimer: I don't Maria-sama ga miteru, though I wish I did.

Note: Setting follows around a few weeks after the 'grandmother incident' in the anime, during the period of annual school festival preparations. This is Shoujou- Ai!

--text-- recollections of previous events, etc.

---------------------- equals change in scene/POV

(Yumi's POV)

"Yumi?"

I turned around and faced her.

"Yes? Onee-sama, do you have anything required of me?"

As I looked at her, my pain starts again. The lips were the same, the brows still furrowed in that manner and her chin still is as perfect as ever. The only difference was her eyes. Eyes that no longer smiled, eyes that no longer had that spark of life, eyes that reflect her, and only her.

I could never be near her, could only stand by and see her suffer, until someone like Youko stepped in and forced her to accept my help, just like how it was before. I was the only one who understood her, who wishes to and did understand her. But it was because of this that she pushed me away. Pushed me away so as not to implicate me.

"Yes, Yumi, could you look through this stack of data complied by the personnel regarding the annual school festival? I think it would be better if you were to do it together with Yoshino-chan."

"Sure thing, Onee-sama."

Onee-sama.

Onee-sama.

I knew that this meant that she wanted me to leave the room, leave her alone for her to think through some things.

I don't want to. I want to stay by her side forever, keeping her strong. Supporting her when she needs it, making her happy when she doesn't.

I want to stay.

But, before I could turn back and tell her that, Yoshino arrived. There was no excuse for me to stay longer now. Planting a smile on my face, I faced Yoshino.

"Let's go, Yoshino-chan. Onee-sama wants us to sort out some stuff regarding the festival. I think we can do this in the library."

"Ok, but wait a moment, Yumi. I got to put this file in the meeting room before going off. If not, Rei-chan is going to complain about me again. Poof!"

She went into the room, while I continued standing outside in the corridor. Pushing my back against the wall, I sighed within myself. Those two are like a couple who's been married for years, getting along so well, supporting each other and knowing how another feels. This could never happen between me and Onee-sama.

But I loved her.

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A/N: Hi everyone, this is my first time attempting a fanfiction. Please be merciless with me. Do drop in a review, it gives me motivation to continue writing. Erm, i'll try to work harder to write up a longer chapter. pleasegive me more time.All kinds of comments other than pure flaming will be welcomed. Thank you very much.


	2. Grey

Disclaimer: I hate it, but I really don't own Maria-sama ga Miteru. Stop antagonizing me!

(Yumi's POV)

I loved her.

Standing right there in the corridor, thunder resounds through my ears once more, roaring with the gale that has formed around me. Again, I was assaulted by the many ghostly undertones and fingers that were pointed accusingly at me. Words that alternated between whispers and howls hits repeatedly in my brain. Words of how useless I am, of how I should just get away from Onee-sama, how I wasn't able to sense her need, but instead made her feel even worse, and how I needed someone to tell me what she's suffering from.

I had no right to love her. No right at all. And I knew this since a long time ago. In fact, it was ever since I discovered that I wasn't there for her when her grandmother was dying.

I heard the door creaking open, and quickly restored my former happy self before Yoshino sees me in that pathetic state. Pity was the last thing I needed from anyone and as Rosa Chinensis en bouton, I could not afford to show any weakness that would bring shame to Sachiko Onee-sama, the current Rosa Chinensis.

I pasted a genuine grin on my face, and prepared to face the world alone. For I must never be a burden to my Onee-sama. _Ever_.

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Night time came while I wasn't noticing. Lying down, I look out of the window and took in the night life of the neighborhood. It was nothing short of astonishing. This was a good place to stay with Yuuki while we wait for our parents to come home from the States. Living thirteen storeys higher than our house gave me a view that could never be seen from my own bedroom. From this height, I could clearly see the nearby sea in all its pitch-black glory. The dark sky was blotted by the many stars, each seemingly mocking at the conflicting thoughts as I thought about Onee-sama.

I sighed to myself. Time really flies while you're not noticing. It has already been three months since the graduation of the former roses. It is at time like this that I wished that they were still with us, especially Rosa Chinensis and Rosa Gigantea. For one, the atmosphere at the Yamayurikai would be much lively with the playful Rosa Gigantea around.

And there would be someone better and stronger to support and help Onee-sama.

Onee-sama.

I could do nothing but stand at the sidelines.

Onee-sama.

Why.

_--Yes? Onee-sama, do you have anything required of me?--_

How long, for how long has it been like this? This distance that was previously of little existence till now, the ritual which has been repeated always and always. How long since I talked to her about something but work? How long has it been?

Days that inched by like years.

Inched like Touko.

No, Yumi, you're thinking too much again. There's nothing between Onee-sama and Touko. You've learnt your mistake the last time. It's you who's overreacting again. Get a GRIP!

_--You remind me of my friend, the one who got betrayed by her Onee-sama--_

You're wrong, Yumi, Onee-sama would never do that to you. Didn't she say that she loved you?

And avoided you right after and went to Touko.

She bought jeans and tried to know more about you!

But that was before…

And I understood now why they say grey represents gloom and hopelessness.

**_It's an alloy of black and white. _**

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(Yuuki's POV)

I stood at the doorway for the longest time, wondering whether I should enter our shared room. Throughout our years together, I had never seen her like this. I've seen her smile when she's happy, yell when she's mad and cry and make all those weird faces of hers. Ah… those faces that I enjoyed teasing her with till she can't stand it.

But now, she looks completely different from before. Lying down on the bed and staring at the stars was not what Fukuzawa Yumi does. Hell, she's never look so… helpless before. My heart went out to her. Even though we do squabble, she has always been there if I needed her, and has always helped me with no strings attached. I had a gist of the reason for her melancholy. Knowing her, she would keep everything to herself till she breaks down, and I couldn't allow that to happen.

Bracing myself as I made the pretense of coming along from the corridor, I knocked on the door.

I caught a flicker of her truth before she placed her mask over.

"You're still awake at this late hour?"

"Uh huh, I don't feel like sleeping yet."

Ok, that was lame. I took in a breath, and tried again.

"Yumi? Do you have anything you want to confide in me? Anything at all?"

"What are you talking about, Yuuki? Nothing's wrong. I was just admiring the beauty of night time. What are you so uptight about?"

What a perfect mask. Giving me such a smile that made her looked like she's okay. Anyone else would have been fooled by the mastery of it.

"Just worried about you, like always. Do know that I'll always be here for you, sis."

"Phish, melancholy at the age of seventeen? You need to stop being a worry-wart. Be a man! Oh yea, how's Kashiwagi-sama doing?"

Great, anything but that.

"I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

"Ooh, someone's missing him already."

She just had to ask about that. Great one, Yumi, great one. You knew that it was enough to stop me from asking. But just like you can read me, I hope you realize that I can read you too.

Don't give up, Yumi. Everything will be fine eventually.

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A/N: Ahh… no one's reviewed yet, but nevermind. I'll continue uploading the chapters time passes on. Well, all I can say is that I hope everyone enjoyed the story. )


	3. Desert

Disclaimer: Yup, I own Maria-sama ga Miteru. Why else would I be writing fanfics on it!

(Sachiko's POV)

"Everything ends when it is time to, but every end leads to a beginning. Just like how the harsh winter gives way to the joys of spring, and how spring ends to meet the birth of summer. I stand proud, against the elements' billowing of their threats on me, never to falter. For change is constant."

"Thank you for reciting the poem to us, Ogasawara-san. Now class, please flip to page 341 of your textbook and…."

Another day in school. A gentle breeze sails by the window, ruffling the leaves on the Sakura trees. This was yet another day where I couldn't concentrate in class.

A sense of hollowness tugs at me, no, had been tugging at me every day for the longest time. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make that feeling go away. It's like an ever persistent fly hovering around inside your head, and no amount of swatting at it will make it go away. I wondered what it is.

As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing which troubles me. All except for one.

Yumi.

_--I love you, Yumi!--_

Maybe this feeling came from me.

Yumi.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. But, grandma told me to, before she died. She was never wrong before, in such matters.

But you did just what she said without processing it further. You have no excuse.

I made a mistake. Didn't I?

"Ogasawara-san? Are you feeling okay? It's lunch break already. Don't you have to go to the Rose mansion today?"

I snapped out of my reverie.

"Thank you for the concern, Mizuki-san. I'm not feeling ill at all. Well, I got to go do some stuff now. Please excuse me."

"Of course, Rosa Chinensis."

I should pay more attention in class. It's getting inappropriate to be caught spacing out during class time. Not to mention that I'm Rosa Chinensis now. No more excuse will be given for me being an en bouton.

"Sachiko onee-sama!"

Ah, it's Touko.

"Gokigeniyou, Touko."

"Gokigeniyou, Sachiko onee-sama."

"Let's go to the dining hall now, Sachiko onee-sama, shall we?"

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Light dimmed again. I guess it's true that time waits for no one. And I'm sure that time is like a spoiled child, moving at its own speed, never waiting or caring for others. In a flash, I was the petite soeur of Mizuno Youko, and on my way to being an en bouton. The next, however, brought me to the election stage. The third brought me here, current Rosa Chinensis, third year and eight more months to graduation.

But only four months left for me to see Yumi almost everyday, before the exams.

Yumi.

--I love you too, Onee-sama.--

I don't know how to face you. Are we just close friends, sisters or maybe more? Can't you just tell me who you are to me? What did you mean when you said you love me?

_--Onee-sama, do you have anything required of me?--_

I have, Yumi. I want you by my side; I want to see your face. The very face which never stills. The very face which had always shown me what you are thinking. The very face which is uniquely yours. But yet, I don't know where is this urge to see you coming from, nor do I know why I feel compelled to see you everyday.

Night is a time for reflection. Where the darkness encases you within its depth. Night is the only time, where I can sink into the valley of nothingness and despair and yet be protected from others. Sheltered by the darkness. The cold night brings me warmth. Warmth from the cold shell that I reside every single moment of my life. But nothing is warmer than you.

Yumi.

You are my sun, the sun that shines on me, making me warm, letting me feel cherished. But why do I feel pain whenever I see you?

The knives stabs at me, sensations becoming more and more vivid in every moment spent with you. Merciless pins passes through my heart, red-hot fire plough through my brain. Why is this happening?

Take a breath, Sachiko, and calm down. There's no point in being so worked up. It's bad for your health.

That was what Onee-sama would have said to me.

Youko.

Perhaps it's time for me to call her once more. Then again, she'd probably expect me to be able to handle such things myself.

"Sachiko-sama! There's a phone call for you!"

"I'm coming!"

I picked up the receiver from the telephone man.

"Hello? Ogasawara Sachiko's speaking."

"Sachiko onee-sama! This is Touko. Have you settled everything needed for this Sunday?"

Oh. It's Touko. She called at the right time too.

"Yes, Touko, everything's all prepared for Sunday. So is it correct to presume that we'll be meeting at the same time, in the same place?"

"Yup! Sachiko onee-sama. I won't disturb you now, so seeya on Sunday then."

"Ok, goodbye for now."

Thanks, Touko, I really needed that distraction from my thoughts for a while.

In fact, it seems that I feel more at ease and more like my old self after I see Touko. I wondered why many times, but to no avail.

I can't explain why either, but I figured that there's no use in thinking too much about it. The brain cells are better used for solving the problems faced during the rehearsal of the school festival tomorrow.

Being Rosa Chinensis is stressful, but I will not bow down to this challenge!

I.. will not lose.

I…. must not falter..

I have to be strong. But, it's getting harder and harder to do so. I… can't breathe, can't move along any longer.. The constant façade in front of others, the pursuit of future that drains me so. A parched person lying under the mercy of the desert, the bare wild which hides nothing and shows nothing. For it itself is a symbol of void. But I am one who persists on seeking the source of life.

_The oasis. The only hope of salvation for me. The hope that gives me strength to cross the desert. _

If one even exist for a person like me.

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(Yumi's POV)

She doing it again. Sitting on her favourite seat by the window, the rigid posture indicating that she's focused on something beyond the glass, something that interests her.

I saw something more, more than she let on. The sharpness of her gaze, the fixated set of her jaw and her clenched fists – fists that showed whiteness of bone – told me more than anything else that she……

…was thinking about Kashiwagi-san again.

--You love him, don't you? It must be hard to marry someone you love and not have then love you back.--

--It's alright Yumi, I loved him once, but it's all in the past now.--

Onee-sama, you lied.

But most of all, you lied to yourself.

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A/N: Hehheh… a chapter that focuses on Sachiko. Took me a really long time to write, for I have very little understanding of Sachiko's character. I don't think I completely grasped her, but it well worth a try. )

And yea! I got 3 reviews so far. I'll be working hard! Cookies for everyone who reviewed!


	4. Thoughts

Disclaimer - I own nuts. Only nuts, not this.

Note - ! text ! indicates actions.

(Yumi's POV)

! Flashback !

"Sa-chan, are you done yet?"

"Soon, Suguru-san. I apologize for making you wait this long."

"It's my pleasure, Sa-chan. Hmm, I don't seem to see Touko-chan anywhere. I recalled her going into the store with you?"

"Oh, she still couldn't decide what she wanted to buy yet. Shall we go in and look for her?"

"Sure thing."

! End of flashback !

Onee-sama.

You still love him.

Even though you knew what would happen after you marry him, even though you knew he wasn't interested in girls.

You really loved him a lot, don't you?

It was your love for him that prevented you from insisting that the marriage should be annulled. Wasn't it?

Onee-sama, do you realize that you've set up a painful trap for yourself?

You're an idiot, Yumi. This is just what your pathetic self is thinking. You jolly well know that things are not as they seem to you. She will definitely be happy with Kashiwagi-san. Don't you remember? You stood there for such a long time, eavesdropping on them. Surely you recall how she reacted to him?

That…

Of course I remembered. The scene that I saw while standing hidden behind the wall. You were shopping with him and Touko. I had never expected to chance upon you at that store.

The gentle curvature of your lips always existed whenever you talked to him or Touko. The brightness in your eyes. The tone of your voice. The frown that was so you that was never existent with them.

Ah… How long since I saw you like that.

_The gentle curve of your lips_

I'm sorry, Onee-sama. It wasn't my place to have those thoughts.

Onee-sama.

You looked happy. Happier than anytime I saw you. For a long time now, I haven't seen you smile or look happy when you were with me. Does this mean that I make you troubled?

It must be. You will always have a slight frown whenever you were talking to me.

But then again, I guess you couldn't be glad. We were, after all, always talking about the council matters, and I'm sure that there's no laughing matter regarding school events.

Perhaps we should only talk about the Yamayurikai tasks, and leave it that way.

After all, you only need me to help you in organizing the school festival and other school events. You _have _a better person who could better understand and help you more in other aspects. Someone who is more accustomed to your way of life.

You are still the princess of Lillian after all.

Yup. Touko could definitely do a better job than a ignorant, pessimistic nobody like me.

Thinking about it, maybe I had known this unconsciously for a long time. Perhaps this was the reason for me avoiding spending private time with Onee-sama.

But, if I already knew it deep down, then why do I feel an ache whenever I think about her?

Why do I get the urge to see her smile, and hear her voice?

Why do I keep thinking about the times that I'm sure we enjoyed together?

Why then, do I even dream of her at night?

Even so, I know my limits. I know that a person like me never ever deserved a princess like Onee-sama. It was only chance that brought us together. If Tsutako-chan had been in her way instead of me, if she had been squashed under Sachiko-sama instead of me, I'll still be living my boring life as a nobody.

Under no terms will someone want to know a person like the true me. No one will bother to dirty their hands to help me. Not that I want them to anyway. Just let me sink down in the abyss of void slowly. Just let me run away from all that I need to run from. Just don't care about me. I'm not worth anything.

Relax, Yumi, maybe things aren't as dire as you see. God knows how many times you misinterpreted something.

Nonetheless, it has been nice knowing everyone. Sei-sama, Youko-sama, Eriko-sama, Rei-sama – Shimako and Yoshino-chan – all of them had been kind towards me. Everyone tried to help me along the way, when I was still adjusting to the Yamayurikai way of life till now.

However, Onee-sama was the special one. Her very presence made me want to use every single bit of myself to do my best, to show her that she didn't choose the wrong person. Ever since the first day I saw her, I thought of her as a piece of frosted glass. Strong, but brittle, with murky depths that tell volumes of her thoughts. A princess that enshrouds herself in the icy mist.

Ha! But I think it's more of you wanting to prove to yourself that _YOU _are worthy of being her sister! All the babble about her is just crap. It's all just an excuse to hide your weakness!

No. It's not like that! It's not!

_No one knows you better than yourself, Yumi. Believe whatever you want to, it's what you think anyway._

"Erm.. Yumi-chan? Are you alright?"

"Huh? Oh, Yoshino-chan, it's you. I'm alright, I was just thinking of the ending of a show yesterday. It makes me itch when the story didn't have the happy ending that it deserved. I was crying when I saw that the guy got killed and left the girl in tears."

"Yumi, you're babbling again."

A shock rippled through my body at the sound of her voice.

"I'm sorry, Onee-sama."

"Er… Sachiko-sama, Yumi-chan, shall we go in the room? The corridor's getting warmer from the summer heat, and I really don't want to sweat that much today. I've got to catch a movie with Rei-chan later on."

"Of course, Yoshino-chan. Shall we, Yumi?"

"Yes of course!"

Onee-sama.

Just temporarily, I shall forget about that.

It's time to help Onee-sama, and she has no need of troubled assistants to add on to her burdens. I'd better make myself more useful to her here, since I can't help her in anyway else.

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(Youko's POV)

"Mizuno-san, may I take your order?"

"Perhaps later on, Tsuzuki-san. I'm waiting for a friend."

"Oh, okay. Please excuse me."

I glanced out of the window, half expecting to see Sachiko approaching like always. We've always met here, at this very restaurant. She only reaches the place on the dot, while I preferred to be earlier. It was a commonplace then to just give her a call and meet her here. But now, ever since I've graduated from Lillian, our meetings became less and less frequent.

I sighed.

This was proof of how times have changed. My precious little porcelain doll has all grown up now, though she's still pretty brittle. There's no real need to worry about her, after all, I'm sure Yumi would help her as much as she could. As for me, the aspiring lawyer, going to the academy is needed only when I want to, even though it's usually because of the amount of information I could find in their library. The stage of me and Sachiko being soeurs is just a memory now, even though I would still think of her as my little sister for eternity.

Even so, some things still remain the same. Like the ambience of this place - the softly playing keys of the piano, the soothing smell of coffee – nothing has changed much for this cosy place. I remembered that I used to sit here for hours, either trying to relax and take a break, or bringing work that needed a more relaxed atmosphere to complete. But the times I remembered the best was when Eriko, Sei and I were lazing around the comfortable couches and just plain interacting.

Speaking of which, why is she so late today?

! glomp !

! twitch !

"Ara, ara. Youko, you're no fun to play with. Couldn't you at least humour me a little and pretend to be surprised?"

"Sei. How can I humour you when you do that every time?"

"Aww… Youko sounds irritated, that's too bad. And here I thought this would make you happier."

! peck !

Heat flared from within me and up my face, tainting my cheeks pink. She just had to do that, right in a place where we could be seen from any angle. Gods, what would I say if someone I know saw Sei kissing my cheek?

"I love you, Youko."

Sei… If only you knew.

"Nope, I think you love Yumi better."

"Eh? How can you tell that to someone who'd just declared her love for you? You're cruel, Youko. It's no wonder that you're still single now."

No, Sei, you are the one who's cruel.

"I see that you are the same as ever. Can't you at least act someone of your age?"

"But it would take all the fun out of life, won't it? Besides, the world has you in it. I'm sure that only one Youko is needed to keep the world running."

"And I guess that one Sei is enough to wreck havoc upon the world? It seems that I really do have to clean up after you, since you have just conferred the title of -one who keeps the world running- to me."

"Aww… still mean as ever, Youko. Big meanie!"

"Erm, excuse me. Mizuno-san, Satou-san, can I take your order?"

"Two sets of Teriyaki chicken set meal, Iced Mocha and a standard salad for me, and let's see… a cup of fruit punch and strawberry banana split for her."

"Ok, please enjoy your coffee in the meantime."

"Hey Youko, how'd you know I wanted to eat strawberry banana split?"

"A hunch, I'd say."

"A hunch? Seems like Youko's famous sixth sense has gotten sharper."

"Sei."

"Yes?"

"I'm not speaking to you anymore till you decide to talk sense."

"Yooouko!"

! cringe !

"………"

Finally. Peace at last. Has it always been this noisy when she's around? No, I don't think so. It must be the quiet background of the restaurant making her voice seem louder than usual.

"Here you go, Mizuno-san, Satou-san. Please enjoy your food. I shall excuse myself now, please call me if you need anything else."

"Thank you, Tsuzuki-san."

I wondered how long we sat there, silently consuming our food. It feels kind of weird not listening to Sei babbling about others, or even trying to poke fun of me with her words. When did this silence exist before?

Yea.. right. Since after that time… she avoided me like a plague for weeks.

But what's her purpose of inviting me out for dinner tonight?

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_It's getting too silent in the restaurant._

I wonder what's bothering her so much that she's lost her usual cheer. Even though she tries to act like nothing's wrong, her actions are still not quite herself. Hmm… did something happen between her and Kei? I hope not.

! chew !

"Oya, Youko. Have you simmered down in your pot yet? Or are you still boiling happily away? It's getting too quiet for my tastes."

"Sei, when did I even start 'boiling happily away'? Soo… I don't think today's a social invitation is it? Tell me more about it."

"Ara, still as discerning as ever, must be a heritage trait."

_I wonder indeed._

"Hey, Youko. Have you heard from Sachiko lately?"

Why is she suddenly asking about Sachiko? Come to think of it… she hasn't been calling me as often now. But that's probably

because she's busy with her schoolwork and council matters.

"Sachiko? Nope, not since two weeks ago. Why?"

"Oh, I was just curious. Yumi hasn't called me for a long time too. I wonder how they're both faring now."

"I think they should be alright. After all, there's nothing much that will trouble them. As far as I've heard, Sachiko's pretty much settled down and is leading the Yamayurikai with Rei and Shimako well."

"Hope all goes well for them eh, Youko."

"Yea."

Did you meet me just to ask me that? It's been such a long time since I last saw her. It must have been almost two months now.

_Absence makes the heart grow fonder._

Do I want you? That's the question.

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A/N: Ehehehe… finally finished another chapter. Thanks to all reviewers, you gave me motivation to write more! ) Etto… just another note, school in Singapore is starting in a week or so, thus I won't be able to work on the fic much. But not to worry! I will continue writing until I finish my story (hopefully). Bleh… I'm dreading the time when I decide to write in Sei's POV. Youko's is already tough enough. Hmm… hands up for those who want Sei and Youko together! xD


	5. Warmth

Disclaimer: Boohoo I don't own Sei! I don't own anyone! WHY?

Note: ------------------ represents change in scene only

(Name's POV) represents change in POV only

Hence, when all both are put together, it stands for change of scene and POV.

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(Sei's POV)

Hehheh… Little Miss Perfect here is staring in the blank space again. I wonder what she's thinking about. Oh well, I guess she's reminiscing the times in school again. I wonder how she'll react to that later on.

"Oi, Youko, are you done eating yet?"

"Hmm… eh? Oh, I'm done with the food."

"Hey, why did you invite me out today?"

"You'll know later, Youko. C'mon lets go now. It's time for the next program."

Let's see… Dinner plan set, next step, to the beach!

_Youko, it has been a long time… Maybe I would find out my answer today._

"Here it is! Jump in, Youko."

"Sei."

"Hmm?"

"Don't tell me you're driving again, please. I have absolutely no desire to hit face first into an airbag again."

I made my best puppy expression, maybe that'll change her mind.

"Aww… don't you trust my driving? I've gotten better, I really had!"

"Fine, just make sure you don't crash off a cliff or something. I still have plenty to do in my life then waste it by leaping off a cliff inthat banana car of yours."

"Banana car? Youko, when did you get a sense of humour?"

_Was I considered in her –to do- list?_

"Whatever."

"Sit tight, aaaannnd let's go!"

"Gods Sei! Slow down!"

Her screams are still music to my ears. And mine only. I doubt anyone else made her scream like this yet.

A smirk adorned my face as I increased the speed.

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"Ah… here we are. You can come out of the car now."

"Youko? Oi, Youko!"

Damn, don't tell she's puking in the car or something. I thought she didn't have any motion sickness.

"Youko!"

The sight that greeted me… was the last thing that I ever expected. Oh Gods, you really know how to make fun of people.

!snicker!

!giggle!

"Wahahaha! Youko! You're better than Yumi!"

I shook in fits on uncontrollable laughter, doubled into half and slapping my knees. Seeing Youko hugging the teddy bear in my car and looking like she's seen a ghost. That's just too rich! DidI really drive that fast?

Uh-oh… I think I went overboard a little there. Youko was wearing her royal pissed off face.

-- Youko with that face… --

"Muahahahaha!"

"Satou Sei. You've better stop laughing your head off before I rip it away from you. This is all your fault!"

I stared at her for a moment, taking in her flushed face. She was really properly chastised.

Even so, her face looked edible now, so absolutely filled to the brim with an unhealthy amount of adorableness. This was not a side Mizuno Youko showed to others. I was absorbed by her face, never realizing that she was approaching me with an murderous aura surrounding her.

All I saw was her face, the set of her gracious jaws, the generous curve of her lips, and the bridge of her nose coming towards me.

!grab!

"Sei… what are you…"

I shut her up with a firmly pressed kiss on the lips. Slowly, but gently, I pried her lips open, entering the treasure trove inside. It was warm. Really warm. I've never had this feeling before, even when I was kissing Shiori.

_Never. _

_I was sure that lightning would flash around us in this instant._

I wrapped my arms around her, seemingly crushing her to my grip. But she made no complains, just standing there. Letting me kiss her, letting me hug her. Slowly, she started to respond to me, her tongue was pushing mine back, trying to fight her way to my mouth. I let her in, but soon fought back with my own.

_The dance of the lips began. _

_And she tasted like strawberries. _

But as with all kisses, albeit a good one like this. We had to finally come up for air.

Grey eyes met those earth-like eyes of hers.

"Sei…" she started saying.

"Shh… Youko. Look up the stars. Don't you think that they're pretty but untouchable? No matter how much one tries, they could never ever quite reach the stars. But, if you ever get lost, these very stars will guide you to the shore. Even though they're not moving a single inch from their place in the skies."

"You are a star for me, Youko. One that I tried to reach for a long time, but failed to."

"No, Sei."

"I'm not a star, neither could I ever be one. Don't you understand? I'm too flawed to be a star. But all I know is that throughout the time I met you, somewhere along the lines, I saw you standing right there."

She pointed to the sea. Letting herself out of my embrace as she did so.

"You were drowning, on a shipwreck. But I could never stand still and watch you drown. I wanted to come along in a boat, and pull you right up and bring you to the shore. But, you never wanted anybody's help. You swam alone, trying to reach the shore. But along the way, your energy and strength were sapped by the rolling waves. I couldn't do anything. I could only just wait by in the boat, trying to pull you up when you're sinking, trying my best to not let you notice."

For once, I understood the meaning of her words.

I had to confirm something.

"Youko. Will you pull me into your boat now? Or will you still remain as a star to my heart?"

A pained expression flashed by her face.

"Sei… I honestly don't know. But aren't you doing just fine with Kei-san by your side?"

Kei… She thought I was with Kei. But I wasn't, was I?

"It's true that Kei has been by my side for some time now. But I'm not sure whether she feels for me like this."

"Then perhaps I should only give you an answer after you asked her about it."

"Youko. Will you say yes if she and I weren't involved?"

"I don't know."

_Youko. Am I too late?_

"Sei, have you ever wondered how things would be like if someone you know didn't exist?"

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Hmm… how would my life be if Youko didn't exist?

I don't know, Youko. I can't imagine how high school would have been without you.

I spotted a little package at the passenger seat at the back.

Darn… I forgot to give Youko her birthday present. With all the emotions running high, I've forgot to give Youko her present.

But I'm betting that she forgot about her birthday, which is just like her.

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(Yumi's POV)

!yawns!

It's tough staying all night to try and finish what I have to do in preparation of the school festival. How I wish that there was someone else who could help out with the play we're performing this year. Even though the tradition is that a show of some sorts is to be performed during the festival, I still don't get why everyone wants to do a play every year.

Besides that, it seems to be the tradition that Hanadera Academy is supposed to help us out during this period and we're supposed to help them out during their school festival too.

Seeing how much effort we put into helping them, it's a pity that their help wasn't accepted as not all the three Roses agreed on their help.

Onee-sama, as usual, was rejecting their offer to help. Even Rei-sama and Shimako-san weren't able to persuade her.

And that lands me in this position.

!Flashback!

"Say, Yumi-chan, you do agree that we need help for the play right?"

"Ya… I agree to that, Rei-sama. I'm getting worn out from all settling all those problems. Besides, neither Yoshino and I had taken any soeurs yet, which means that only Shimako, Noriko, Yoshino and me are available to set up the festival, seeing that you and Onee-sama have to prepare for your exams."

"That's right Yumi, and that's why I have a favour to ask from you."

"A favour?"

"Yes, one which only you can do. And that is asking Sachiko to accept the proposed help from Hanadera Academy."

"But, Rei-sama. How can I persuade her when you and Shimako-san can't do it? I can't guarantee success. "

"I'm sure you have your ways, Yumi. Good luck! I'm expecting to hear good news from you soon."

"Rei-sama!"

!End of flashback!

!sighs!

I'm thinking that they get the feeling of me not having enough troubles already. Honestly, what are they thinking of, piling me with more work than anyone else.

Ahh… Perhaps it's under Onee-sama's influence. She really wants you to blossom to be a great Rosa Chinensis last year, and meet the expectation of the people under the impression that every Rosa Chinensis is a great leader who works hard and keeps their cool in every situation.

But really, I think they expected too much from me. Now, I have to crack my head on how to persuade Onee-sama to accept the help from Hanadera.

What if I agitated her without meaning to and screwed the whole thing up?

Argh… what should I do!

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A/N: I don't know why… But everything I write seem to turn angsty. Why? I know the SeiYouko part may be a little cheesy, but hey, that's the first time I wrote a kiss scene. (hides) Hehe… I'm evil, should I pull a Sei/Kei on you? Wakekeke.. oh yea, I know Sei laughs weird. But it's hard to get the correct sound of her laughter. Next chapter should be back to Yumi.

To my beloved reviewers and people who read this: Arigatou (bows bows) I feel glad to have so many people enjoying this fic. Hehe… let's see.. Doughnuts this time? Or you want chocolates? X)


	6. Cursed

Disclaimer: Everyone shall be mine in year 50006! Wahahahaha!

Notes: Sensei – teacher

Gokigeniyou – Good day

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**(Sachiko's POV)**

Sitting here, in this very classroom, gives me a sense of nostalgia. To think that Youko once sat here, in the seat in front of me, listening as the teacher droned on. Did she ever drift off in class? Or was she unlike me, giving everyone else a facet of attention while dancing in my own daydreams?

There were many things that I have yet to learn from her, things that she handled with better manipulation than me, and all the while keeping near the side of sanity. I often wondered how she managed to dissect problems like you do an insect, or cope with the endless pressure of upholding the family's expectations and still exude the aura of someone who has a burden that's about as heavy as a feather.

How I wished I could be just like her.

Seemingly accepting of Suguru's advances, while mentally screaming out my frustrations and disgust of having to spend a moment longer with him was just not something I could put up with much longer. Guaranteed, the presence of Touko makes it better for me, serving as a source of distraction from him and his constant teasing. I cannot imagine the time for me to become his bride – the final seal that locks away any sense of self – time that counts down happily at my expense.

_Time that constantly flicker away, bringing me ever so closer to the gates of hell. _

I casually took down some notes on the board, not wanting to be caught for not paying attention in class.

_Something which a proper lady should never do, in addition to all the etiquette and rules._

William Shakespeare. The man whom I had learnt about ever since I was five. The man whose famous sayings still ring true despite the change of era. The man who talks about love which would never exist for me. The man whom the teacher is talking about now. Could class ever be more plain and tasteless as this?

I feel my eyebrows furrowing, a sign of my irritation, and carefully schooled in my features.

_A lady doesn't frown in face of boredom. She shall keep on a straight face and listen to the teacher. For she would always learn something from listening._

I listened, and I caught it.

"Revision test on Friday, and I expect your reports to be in by tomorrow. Gokigeniyou."

"Class stand. Gokigeniyou, Sensei."

That makes two tests on Friday, and another one tomorrow, not to mention the report for Literature due tomorrow and the rehearsal for the school festival today. The teachers officially hate Wednesdays, since they always pile the most work to us on this day.

They must really be the devil's spawn, or the reincarnate of teachers who got tortured by students.

How would the teachers look like with those rumoured red horns on their heads?

Inwardly, I gave myself a bitter grin_. They were not unlike those who claimed themselves to care for me – by training me to be who I am now – how ironical._

"…Onee-sama!"

I turned, half expecting to see Yumi greeting me like she always does. Then I remembered.

_It's better to stay away from her. Why give her trouble that she doesn't need?_

"Gokigeniyou, Touko. Are we all set for lunch?"

I tried giving a smile, but all that felt like coming out was a grimace.

I tried again.

_Again. Yumi. Why._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------_

I gave myself some time alone, walking around the familiar grounds of Lillian. Happy times, sad times, memories of the past came flooding back to me as I passed by each and every spot. I had known my future since a long time ago, when I first stepped into these very grounds. Father had told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was bound to marry Suguru after my graduation from school. The cold voice, uncaring and dispassionate, had struck into my heart chords of pain. The ultimate betrayal from the men of the house.

Although it wasn't because of that which made me hate men.

Thinking back now, my outburst to him was probably the first nail to my coffin.

I stopped in front of Maria-sama, her everlasting calm gaze brings me under her wing.

_Time had reversed._

The first time I called out to her, perhaps under some unknown force in my heart that cried out for her, right in front of Maria-sama.

_The time when my cursed fate entwined with hers. _

Where I asked her to be my petite soeur, from the deepest valley of my soul. Right here. At this very place.

_Ogasawara Sachiko found her oasis within the presence of Fukuzawa Yumi. How endearing. This wasn't taught by any of the teachers._

Right… It wasn't.

"Onee-sama? What are you doing out here?"

I whirled around gracefully.

How could I be so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't hear her approach me?

"Yumi." I started. "I was just taking a walk around the school, before I went to the gym to see how the rehearsal is going along."

_That was good; just continue on in this vein. Nothing personal._

"Oh," was all that she replied.

"Onee-sama, it looks like rain soon. Shall we go back to the Rose mansion?"

Noting the dark clouds looming ahead, something which I missed out while walking around, I agreed.

_Darker and darker. Like the shadow my mask is._

We were shielded by a blanket of silence, more and more so frequent as time passes. It was better this way.

_Lost in our own thoughts. _

Our feet brought us back to the mansion. The place filled with the most memories.

_Today was one of those times again._

"Onee-sama? Let's go upstairs and brew ourselves a cup of tea to warm up. It's getting chilly in the corridor. I'll give Shimako a call to tell her we'll be late."

I watched her as she busied herself with the tea and the phone, taking a little break and resting in the comfortable armchair. Yumi has grown from the time I first met her, just seeing her straight back and confident walk was enough to tell me that she is well on her way to becoming a great Rosa Chinensis.

I wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but I missed the sense of peace that I always had when I'm alone with her. But today, just today, turmoil burns me alive, deep within my soul as I watched her.

_It's one of those times again._

There was no need to pretend in front of Yumi, for she knows me better than any other. She saw me in my weakest moment, in my perfect princess façade, had been on the receiving end of my anger. There was no need to hide from her. With her, I could be myself. Totally just me.

_A good lady knows that showing her true self should never be done completely._

She settled into the armchair opposite me, placing the tea set and some buttered scones on the coffee table. I relaxed myself and started on the scones.

"Onee-sama? I have something to ask you."

I carefully put down the scone and gave her a curious look, making sure to swallow the food in my mouth before talking.

"What is it, Yumi?"

She seemed to steel her resolve for whatever the matter was, and sat up straighter.

"I would like to make a formal request for the help from Hanadera for the school festival to be approved."

**(Yumi's POV)**

"I would like to make a formal request for the help from Hanadera for the school festival to be approved."

That's it, I've just said the very sentence I was supposed to. The sentence which hopefully allows more help for the festival.

I gave an inward sigh of relief, never noticing how Onee-sama seemed to take this request.

Totally unaware of how her sapphire blue eyes burned just a little brighter.

"I thought I've made it clear to Rei and Shimako that I would never approve of help from Hanadera! And isn't this case settled a long time ago? Why bring it up now?"

It seems that it would be more difficult than I thought. I've underestimated her reaction.

"But… Onee-sama, we can't possibly cope with the small pool of helpers we have! Besides, it's the tradition for Lillian and Hanadera to help each other out for their annual school festival. Don't you remember that we helped them out just two weeks ago?"

Right… I forgot. She wasn't there.

"No I don't. I will not approve of their help, not then, not now and not even on the day of the festival! I'm sure that you have all the help needed to make things run. I have trust in yours, Yoshino and Shimako's abilities to make sure that everything runs smoothly. I don't see the need for external help."

"What would you know, Onee-sama. You weren't even present for most of the planning sessions. All you saw were just the surface of things! Everybody's schedule is running tight and the festival is just next week! Please, Onee-sama. Just let us accept the extra help. It's not like you have to do anything with them."

Onee-sama, why don't you understand? We won't be able to proceed on with the festival as the planned date if things still do not pick up speed. It _would _definitely go faster if we could get extra help! Only the Hanadera boys are obliged to help us out in this matter!

"Absolutely not. I shall repeat myself one last time, Yumi. I will **never** accept help from Hanadera."

Onee-sama!

"Is this something to do with your hatred for boys and men alike? Or is this a bet you made with Kashiwagi-san?"

_Baka. Why did you bring that up, Yumi. You idiot._

"Or is it because you are so selfish, Onee-sama. At this rate, you will never be free of the trouble that's named men!"

"That's enough!"

**!SMACK!**

I stared at her, as the pain registered in my mind. A sense of heat flushed through from my left cheek – the very spot where her hand just left – I touched it gingerly. It was still raw. But what is this wetness running down my cheeks?

Oh. My tears. Right.

She slapped me.

_You were slapped. By Sachiko. The signal is clear, Yumi._

Time seemed to freeze at that instant.

_Break away._

I turned around, and fled the room.

_The rain. Rain that washes away everything. _

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A/N: Yay, managed to make use of the Youth Day to write out this chapter. Sachiko's back in the foray after a long time. Maybe it's better to re-read some parts in order to get the feel of this chapter.

(Throws ice-cream around) I think I'm fattening up my reviewers!


	7. Bolt

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Simple as that. Understand?

**WARNING! This story is getting darker, so readers BEWARE. You have been warned. Prepare what ever lighting equipment you need.**

Notes: - - - - - - - - means that it's the same person but different sense of thought.

**----------------------------------------------------------**

**(Sachiko's POV)**

"Is this something to do with your hatred for boys and men alike? Or is this a bet you made with Kashiwagi-san?"

"That's enough!"

**!SMACK!**

**Too sharp. **

_It shot through me like a lightning bolt would._

_Flames struck out at me, licking me from top to toe, attempting to extinguish the cold I felt within every fibre of my being. Attempting to bring me out, make me feel something else. I could sense the scorching heat radiating off in waves, almost see the bright red flames surrounding me… trying to swallow me whole. But I couldn't feel the heat roaring through my nerves. The tears of the sun bled, just right there, before my eyes and all I could do was to just merely exist. Or perhaps to just disappear in that instant, disappear before I could cause any more damage._

_Burned. It's drying up. _

_**Sand. Wind. Sun. **_

_It wasn't working. The heat wasn't working. _

_**It wouldn't have worked. **_

_The sudden chill like those nights came, overpowered me, and I could do nothing to fend myself against it. I stood there and watched. Watched and burned under the sheer cold. How I wished that I was burning under the sun, instead of this. It's too late._

_It's one of those times. Again._

_**Wake up. Make it better.**_

_- - - - -- - - - - - - - - - -_

_Freeze. Stop. Isn't moving. Isn't working. Maybe never was anything._

I stared at the hand right next to Yumi, hoping that what I saw was just merely an illusion in my mind. I refused to register that image in my head, refused to acknowledge the tingling sensations that I felt. I flexed my right hand. The hand hovering beside her moved. It moved. It was my hand.

I hit Yumi?

No…

I withdrew my sinned hand from beside her.

I didn't just hit her. I didn't just slap Yumi. I didn't… Why! Why was this hand mine? Foolish hand, stupid hand, You just did something that you **never** should have done!

This hand isn't mine!

_--!Smack!-- _

Yumi…

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have. My accursed hand…

I just couldn't control myself. Couldn't stop my hand before it made contact with you.

I'm sorry…

**_She's leaving… Snap out of it now or she's gone._**

Yumi!

I reached my hand out to her, wanting to pull her back before she leaves the room. Pull her into my embrace, hold her tight so as to prove my innocence. That I wasn't myself. I wanted to hug her close, drying her eyes with my own clothes. Erase the look of utter anguish from her eyes, tell her I didn't really mean it.

_Your sinned hand…_

She left.

I was still standing here, trying to reach her with my hand. With my right hand. Halfway.

And everything shattered in that instant.

_Was everything lost?_

_---------------------------------------------------------------------_

**(Yumi's POV)**

I'm freezing.

Why doesn't the rain get stronger? Why does everyone give me a look of sympathy? Why did that guy offer me his umbrella? Why isn't there a better way to feel the chill? Why wasn't the bus air-conditioned? Why can't I feel any colder that I am now!

…Why is the sun still shining its rays on me despite the rain?

Why……?

Just let me be frozen. That way… at least I know I'm still alive. At least I'll know that I can still feel something. That I am still here. Even though all I am is cold, it keeps me awake. Keeps me from sinking in. Keeps me from having false hopes. Hopes that Onee-sama and I…

_… will still be suited together…_

Rain… It's raining again. Why is there always rain on days like this? Is heaven weeping for me and my foolishness, or are those tears of joy that fall from the skies? Are those people up there mocking me, or thinking that I should be pitied? Maria-sama… are you watching from above me? Or have you decided to turn a blind eye and not bother about me?

I walked on in the rain, never paying attention to where I was going. Letting my feet bring me wherever it wants to; perhaps they know better than me on where to go and what to do. The droplets of rain pattered on my back endlessly, getting heavier and heavier with every step I took… or was it just my heart?

My feet… why are they still moving? I thought they would've stop by now. Ashamed of parading someone like me.

I lift my head up, allowing the rain to run down my cheeks, blending in with the tears that started flowing again.

_Rain has the power to cleanse. Let it clean you, washing away all your imperfection in their dance with the wind, leaving you with the calmness of the storm. _

_Let it replace her… temporarily. Let the rain be Sei's embrace. The cold to her warmth, the pressure of raindrops to the safeness found in her embrace. Let the rain be Sei. Make it warm._

_Sei… How I wished you were beside me again, comforting me like that time, assuring me that everything will be fine._

The rain washed away everything I was afraid of. Just for now, while it is still bright, and there's some time before night arrives.

I continued walking. This time, my head was a little clearer; but the ache didn't go away. It persisted as I made my way about, tugging at me, refusing to give me a break. Refusing to let me run away, forcing me to revive the moment time and again.

Yes…… that was what I'm doing now. Running away. Escaping without bothering to move my feet at a faster pace to meet my thoughts – thoughts that I know I shouldn't have but can't help feeling anyway. I wondered what Youko-sama would have thought of me right now. Would she be disgusted that I'm not as strong as she thought I'd be, that I was bringing Onee-sama more pain instead of supporting her? I wasn't as great as she was expecting me to be.

If I were… I would have known the perfect way to persuading her instead of charging right in as I've done… and I wouldn't have provoked her to the point that she slapped me. It's all because of me. Me and my stupid brain. I'm sorry… Sorry for not considering your feelings… for not being sensitive enough when I knew that this issue was one that you hated a lot. I should have been more patient, more understanding, leading you slowly to my point instead of bulldozing my way in.

Onee-sama… I… just don't understand why either.

And this weariness I feel right now with every step I take isn't helping either.

I glanced at my watch. Was it only 3 o'clock? It's been only an hour… My hand rummaged in the pocket of my dress, searching for the keys to the apartment. It was then that I realized that I was standing right outside my house, not the rented one I was living in with Yuuki currently, but the one my family and I shared when my parents were still in Japan. I wondered whether I should go in and dry myself up, or just go back to the rented room. Then again, half of me wanted to ask my feet why they brought me here.

The other half just wanted to continue walking in the rain, until I was satisfied with the answers to my own questions.

But before I could do either, whatever that's still functioning in me took over and opened the door. Deciding quite firmly for me to go in and dry up before heading back. Some parts of my brain kept repeating that it wouldn't do for me to arrive drenched in front of Yuuki, as I vaguely felt my sense of self slipping away the longer I stood there. Yuuki would probably throw a fit about the floor or pester me about what happened, something which I'm unable to handle in this current state. And I couldn't afford to let him know about it either.

_Find a towel, some clothes and an umbrella. All these can still be found in your room. _

I combed the apartment methodically, digging in the wardrobe for anything I could wear, relying on my past reflexes to find the stuff. It's lucky that I didn't decide to bring every article of clothing I owned to my current residence, or I would be hard-pressed to find a way to dry myself before going back.

_Now, gather everything you've found and go take a bath._

**Yea… take a bath… **

I stepped into the bathroom and took off my clothes, turning on the shower and letting the water hit my languid body. Good thing that the supply's still on. It was as if mum and dad thought that me or Yuuki would come back once in a while when they're still on a three-month business trip. And take a shower nonetheless.

**I giggled at that thought. **

_Yumi, focus on your bathing, and don't even try to think of anything else._

**How hilarious. **

I turned off the shower once I finished washing off the foam on my body, and paused. What am I supposed to do now?

_Yumi, you're supposed to go put on some clothes. _

That's right… time to put on some dry clothes. It's the purpose of me being in here, isn't it? Or was it something else?

_Just prepare yourself to go home, it's getting late. You wouldn't want Yuuki getting worried about you. _

**Who cares about Yuuki? He's probably still in school.**

_Yumi, snap out of it. You're losing yourself. Go home, sleep and think about it another day. Too much happened for you today._

That's right… I'm getting tired. It's time to go catch some sleep. This serves me right for staying up late at night to finish up my homework. I knew I should have done them during break time or in the evening. Nevermind… it's Saturday tomorrow, I'm sure that I could catch up my workload during the weekend.

I plopped down the bed, not even a little concerned that this wasn't where I was supposed to sleep. Or that I'm not back home with Yuuki. Everything will just have to be left till tomorrow. I can't keep myself awake anymore…

_Sachiko… I really…_

**Sleep well… my dear. And sweet dreams.**

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A/N: Well… Some of you may be a little confused about this chapter. But basically it is featuring Sachiko's innermost thoughts on her action and Yumi's well… mental state? Along that line… yea. Different styles represent different thoughts. Email me if you still don't understand. Can't really explain it well either. And yea… this story IS Drama AND Angst. So… you can expect it to be.

As usual, constructive criticism are welcomed and of course… Reviews! I eat reviews like the cookie monster eats cookies:D

Lols… Does anyone wants celery sticks? Hehhehs... Healthy lifestyle :)

Now I'm going back to mope at Microsoft Word again. – cracks head for next chapter -

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	8. Reflection

Disclaimer: If I could pawn them, then this shall be mine! Till then… I… -sobs- I don't own it!

Notes: -- word – indicates flashback or memories.

**Warning: Ah… same warning applies here. Enjoy! **

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_When you get what you want in your struggle for self_

_And the world makes you king for a day,_

_Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,_

_And see what that man has to say._

_For it isn't your father or mother or wife,_

_Who judgment upon you must pass;_

_The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life_

_Is the one staring back from the glass._

_He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest._

_For he's with you clear up to the end,_

_And you've passed the most dangerous, difficult test_

_If the man in the glass is your friend._

_You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years._

_And get pats on the back as you pass,_

_But your final reward will be the heartaches and tears_

_If you've cheated the man in the glass._

_--- "The Man in the Glass" by Dale Wimbrow ---_

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**(Sachiko's POV)**

Everything ends when it is time to, but every end leads to a beginning.

_Has it ended again?_

I'm home. Back in this gigantic mansion which belongs more to the staff than the owners, to this empty shell of a house which outsiders proclaim it as mine. A place that could just barely be called a home. And as usual, silence ensues in everywhere I go, more so emphasizing that I was all alone today.

_How have I managed to survive such silence and indifference for the whole of my life?_

I walked down the empty corridor, heading for my room. Heading for the only place where I could really feel safe, where I could just flop down onto the bed and grind away every pretense and mask that I have to put on for the rest of the world. I could just drop all of my dignity and cry my heart out, instead of suppressing them in order to keep up with my reputation in the world. Yes… my room is the balm to soothe my wounds, wounds that continually haunt me like pestering ghosts, relieving my pain at times when I wasn't ready to taketheir assault…

_Times that result in me doing something foolish…_

**-- flashback –**

**(8 years back…)**

"Sa-chan! Sa-chan! Let's go out this Sunday! It's been a long time since we went out to have some fun."

"Etto… I'm not sure that I could go out this Sunday, Guru-kun. My mum hasn't allowed me to go out on Sundays lately. But I'll try my best to persuade her. I want to go out with you too! It's been boring staying at home daily during the summer for lessons."

_I gave him a weak grimace, hoping not to dampen his spirits for the outing._

"Sa-chan… besides that, I got something for you too. Here you go."

_I stood and stared at the dog-shaped wooden statue in my hand, it's design plain and simple but yet so exquisite at the same time._

_I sensed him leaning closer to my ear, and he whispered to me._

"Happy Birthday, Sa-chan."

"Guru-kun… Thank you."

_I graced him a smile, blushing as he gave me a kiss on the cheek. Warmth bubbled from somewhere within me, as I saw the gentle and loving look in his eyes before he kissed me. I felt safe in that moment, as if all the troubles I faced were all swallowed up by this warmth. _

_I think I fell in love with you from that moment on._

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**(5 years later…)**

_I loved him. I loved his smile, his cheeky grins, his solemn face; he was everything to me. He was always there, and I could talk to him whenever I needed him to listen. It always seemed that he spent his extra time just being with me, comforting me and chasing away all the shadows that plagued me. Even protecting me from my own family at times._

_Five years… It's been five years… _

_He wanted to meet me today. I wondered what he needs me for._

_I saw him approaching me, and inviting me to take a walk down the pathway of the park that we were in._

"Sa-chan… I have something to tell you."

"What is it, Guru-kun?"

"I don't think you know yet, but our parents want us to marry after we graduate from highschool."

"What? Guru-kun, are you sure about it?"

_I felt a surge of happiness rising within me, something which I couldn't explain well._

"It's positive, Sa-chan."

_Guru-kun was going to marry me? Am I dreaming? Maybe this is a chance for me… for me to…… Maybe… I think…I should tell him now._

_I took in a deep breath, and braced myself for what I was about to say._

"Guru-kun… I… I think I'm in love with you… So I wouldn't mind it if we were to marry… In fact, isn't it great that we can be together even after we've grown up?"

_My heart skipped a few beats… I did it, I finally said it to him… after five years of trying to hide my attraction and love to him. _

"I'm sorry to say this Sa-chan. But I beg to differ. I'm not suitable to be your husband… for I can never love you as a husband should do, both passionately and faithfully. I hate to say this to you, Sa-chan, but I have to make it clear now, before you get your hopes too high up for me. To me, this is just a marriage for convenience, a marriage to strengthen the ties between the Kashiwagi and Ogasawara businesses by reinforcing it by this method. I'm the only son while you're the only daughter, we don't have a choice. If we had a say in this, I would not approve of this. I'm sorry, but I have to disappoint your love for me. All I want four years later is for us to be able to live in co-operate harmony, and neither love nor hatred."

_My world seemed to have crashed down hard upon me, with no knights in shining armor or giants with strong arms to lift it up for me. In that instant, I felt so alone, just with those words that he said._

"Why, Guru-kun? Why?"

"It's my problem really, but it seems that I hold no interest in girls. Including you. It isn't your fault, Sa-chan, you are one of the prettiest lady I've ever met, but it's just that I don't have the interest. I admit it, I'm more attracted to guys. I'm sure that I would continue having a relationship with them even after the marriage, so I wouldn't mind at all if you had a lover and bore him a child. After all, the child would be related by blood and I'm sure that no one minds it."

_The longer he continued ranting, the more hopeless and defeated I felt. But somehow, his last words brought out my innermost fury at him. _

…… _And I just let it explode out of me._

**!SLAP!**

"Guru-kun, how could you say such a thing!"

_I felt tears streaming down my face in torrents, like a cloud that broke under pressure of the rain droplets. _

_So totally alone. And for so long I thought that Guru-kun would take away this sense of loneliness. Was this all fake? A figment of my imagination?_

_How cruel. I'm only 14._

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wanted to cry.

_Walk faster, Sachiko. You're reaching the room soon._

I wanted release from the chains that locked me up.

_But was I the one who threw away the keys to the lock?_

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_I chanced upon him in a cramped alleyway a week after that, as I was passing by in the car. The traffic stopped me long enough to get a look at him. He was joking with a guy with that look on his face. The look I saw him give me many times when we were still young and ignorant about the world. He was with the guy that I've seen him hang out with regularly._

_He shifted his position._

_His face was hidden from me from that new posture… but it was obvious that he was kissing that guy, with his hands were roaming all over the person's body._

_I looked away, unable to stand the sight. The traffic moved on again, and I just felt that presence getting further and further away. All he said was true then…… But was it further encouraged by me slapping him?_

_I don't know, I would never know. For this was no longer the Guru-kun I knew. This was a new him, a side which I'd never seen before. _

_And he's called Suguru-san…… not Guru-kun._

_I could feel whatever hopes I had breaking into tinier fragments. _

_His back would forever be etched into my mind._

_Goodbye… Guru-kun._

_A single tear rolled down my cheek._

**-- end of flashback --**

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_How good it must be, to be young and innocent. Ignorant about the dealings of everything in this world, and living in your own fairy tale while you still can._

I finally reached my room.

With every step I took, I felt my knees weakening as if in protest of motion. It was as though my knees just wanted me to fall to the floor and break down.

I sat down on my bed.

-- "That's enough!" --

**-- !SMACK! –**

I held up my right hand. The hand that was so stained and sinned. How I wished that this wasn't my hand.

I slapped Suguru with this hand. I slapped Yumi with this very filthy hand.

_It was as if this hand determined my fate with relationships._

_I hate it. _

_**I can't lose you too, Yumi … **_

I wanted to cry. I wanted to release myself from the pain in my heart. The dull throb was rubbing against my chest, the friction occasionally bringing forth sharp bites as I thought about it.

_I can't stop thinking on it. _

Why…… why is it that even in my own solace, I couldn't let out my pain?

Why won't the tears come!

I turned to look at my reflection in the mirror. Why is it that even now, you deny me of this little indulgence? It must be great for you, living only inside the mirror and seeing no one but me. No worries, no trouble, and you wouldn't even help me!

_You just looked back at me, and continued with the silent game, as if expecting me to do something. _

_Why does everyone around have expectations from me?_

My heart was mercilessly wrenched from me again. How can I get rid of this pain? I can't stand it much longer…

I… I'm… just not strong enough for this.

_**Remember…**_

_That's right… I could do that._

I took my gaze off my reflection, and I thought I saw it smile gently at me. I went over to my wardrobe, and searched in a hidden compartment that I had it built in there.

And as I took it out, a glimmer of the moonlight caught the edge of it.

_The flash of sliver… something so pristine that it was almost holy._

_Forgive me, Maria-sama. I broke our promise._

All I felt was the cold blade pressed urgently against my feverish skin, somewhere near the crook of my right elbow. My sinned arm that deserved this punishment, this pain.

I looked at my arm, pleased to see the crimson fluid which stained the silver red, as sense of relief and pain enveloped me totally. Releasing me from my shackles, undoing all the locks and walls I've put up for show.

At last… I could be free……

_Yumi. I'm sorry._

I pressed the blade deeper.

The woman in the glass just smiled at me.

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A/N: Arh… finally another chapter is up. I think I feel the pre-syndrome for author's block… But I hope to finish this story at least. Hmm… my thought is that it's probably near to 20 chapters, plus minus some. Still a long way to go! Dang… I think I need more motivation. What a to do. I'm piling up homework from school too, so I'd probably just write during weekends and hope to get a chapter up by the end of two days.

Ah yes… This chapter focuses more on Sachiko's past with Suguru, so erm… I hope you enjoyed it? Ah… I know there's a little shounen factor in it, but haven't we all realize that Suguru isn't really straight? –smirks- I know everyone's anxious for Yumi and Sachiko to get together, but please be patient. x) Don't worry… I can promise that it will happen.

To all reviewers, thank you very much for your encouragement and your pointers for the story to improve. –dishes out invitation to sake party – Lols, I'm underage. :)

Special thanks to SakiaIshida for being a makeshift beta and providing me with pointers.

(edit) Thanks to **I'm nothing but a dream** for pointing out my grammar mistakes. Gomen-ne, I overlooked them for I was tired. :X

To **CarolinaB **and other reviewers, I'll be extra careful of the plotline and language :)


	9. Surrender

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Simple as that. Don't hound me for money. I'm poor.

Notes: -- word – indicates memories or flashbacks.

**Warning: Err… I dunno. It's up to you I guess.**

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**(Yumi's POV)**

_Yumi, I'm sorry._

Onee-sama?

I opened my eyes groggily, staring at the familiar but yet foreign ceiling as I tried to recall what happened. I could feel my brows folding together as I attempted to rub sleep out of my eyes, enjoying this temporary bliss in the quiet and dark atmosphere.

Wait a moment… it's dark outside?

Dust started floating around as I shifted my position on the bed.

"Ah-choo!"

Why was I sleeping on such a dusty bed? No… why is my room so full of dust?

I took a look around the room, taking in the familiar surroundings slowly as my eyes adjusted to the dim light. This place seemed to be unused for a long time, with all the cobwebs hanging around the corners of the room.

Where am I? What am I doing here? This isn't the apartment that I'm living in, it's much bigger than the cramped space I'm used to. Have I been in here before?

I caught sight of a brown paw sticking out from a nearby wardrobe, and looking as inconspicuous as it could be.Out of curiosity, I went over and pulled it out.

_Eh? Isn't this teddy bear Kyo-chan? Is this the house…?_

I glanced around the room once again, as gaps were being filled in my memories. That's right… this IS my house. When did it start looking like something that came out from a storybook on haunted houses? It's only been around half a year and it already looks like it's going to collapse anytime soon. I can't believe it... How could I almost not recognize my own house?

I peered out of the window, idly stroking the fur of the brown bear in my arm as I admired the dark shadow of the miniature wilderness that used to be the garden. I couldn't remember why I was sleeping here till such a late hour.

Why did I come back here? Neither Yuuki nor I have been back at this house since the last Christmas when our parents called us to say that they will be in the States till the next Christmas. And how long have I been sleeping here?

_Don't you recall? _

My hand moved to my left cheek on its own accord.

_That's right…… You finally remembered the reason._

Onee-sama…

I clutched tightly onto Kyo-chan, trying to will away all the pain that came crashing back to me at the thought of her _– the fight, the slap, the tears, the rain_ - trying to keep away from all the whispers which condemned my worthlessness while I still could; while I still wanted to.

**_It didn't work. I couldn't block it out…_**

_You're useless, Yumi. So totally useless. You are such a waste to the remaining of Earth's already scarce resources. You couldn't even persuade Sachiko without making use of her weak points, and, not to mention, you ran away from her after she slapped you instead of clearing things up with her or trying to apologize for your actions. You're simply just so pathetic, and so selfish that the thought of you makes me puke. It's no wonder that Sachiko shuns away from you and looks for Touko and Kashiwagi to relief the stress that she feels. On top of that, you just HAD to remind her of something that she tries so hard to avoid talking about. I wonder how she manages to keep you by her side for so long. _

_You, Yumi, if you had any sense left in your brain, would know better than to continue staying beside her. Unless of course, your selfishness is to such a degree that you need her in your life to make you feel better. How weak you are, if it's so. I guess that all the maturity and the ability to handle things you portrayed were just a show……_

Stop it! STOP IT!

Stop it…… I know… I know I'm pathetic……

_It's time for the darkness to devour you again. _

_But this time… you are all alone…… alone to face the four forbidding walls with no means of escaping back home at this late hour._

At 01:00 am on this day, I was prepared to surrender to the darkness that draws me in like tongues of flames. Again.

……… Onee-sama…

All I ever wanted was to do my part… and live up to what was expected of me…… I never wanted to create more trouble for you, or deliberately pour salt upon your open wounds… I was supposed to help you heal, supposed to support you and make you happy… but all I've done now is to make you hate me.

_Hate. _

Ain't I right? That could only be the reason you avoided me. You must have hated me so much that spending any more time than what was necessary was painful for you. I was the one holding all onto the false hopes… Maybe it's time for me to wake up from my dream…

_Just lie down and just let it through, Yumi…… Learn from the flames. Let this be the last time that you will ever sink so far again. If you insist on it…_

Onee-sama… This shall be the last time… Forgive me…

_Your tears… Your smile… Your anger… Your happiness… You. _

Kyo-chan was stained with tears that night.

_But it's my tears that make that makes me feel alive… makes me feel as if there was still hope…_

_**It's the last time you're gonna cry, isn't it?**_

_I fell into the land of dreams… just this one last day for me to dream about her…_

_Just today… Let me indulge in my selfishness for one last day…_

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A/N: - I'm still drunk from the sake. Lols -

This is a short chapter on Yumi this time. Next chapter's going to be a little on the happier note, and it's longer. Ya… I know I keep telling myself to concentrate on homework, but my fingers are itching to type instead. T.T So I'd suppose that some of you are glad to see me?

Hehhehs…

I think I'm gonna write about Sei next… decision is still prone to mood changes :P Maybe you guys can give me some hints?

And yup, thanks to everyone for your reviews and criticism. I think I'm improving slowly from all the encouragement and help you've given me. Don't hesitate to email me or anything to point out my mistakes or to give me some fresh ideas…

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	10. Wakefulness

Disclaimer: Zzzzzz…… how many times do I have to say it? You should know by now.

Notes: -- word – indicates flashback or memories.

Moshi-moshi – hello, who's there?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**(Sei's POV)**

_I dashed after her, not wanting to let her go anymore, not wanting to lose her again… Never wanting to lose her ever. Even so… why was it that the faster I ran, the further she seems to get?_

_I continued sprinting after her… watching helplessly on as her silhouette blurred further and further, until all that's left of her was only printed in my memory. _

_Come back… don't go away… don't leave me alone in this cold and dark place…_

_I want you…_

_I need you… _

_Suddenly, your face floods my vision… and I couldn't see anything but a swirl of midnight hair before you disappeared again._

_…… The warmth from your brief hug still lingered on me… _

_What did you mean by that?_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

Argh… what's this sudden blinding light?

_No… Come back… _

"Sei, it's time to wake up. It's already half past ten for goodness sake! You shouldn't be sleeping in on Saturdays!"

I snuggled closer to the pillow, trying to curl myself around it. It wasn't time for me to wake up yet; I still wanted my beauty sleep after staying up late for the project yesterday. Why couldn't she just give me a break! The bed's so comfy and soft… and she's there… she's there… I'm not letting her run away from me!

"Sei, wake up or else…" _Kei's voice echoed in the vast empty space where she disappeared…_

Her voice came intruding upon my dream again… Can't she just let me sleep?

Oh well… it's best to slur to make my point… Do it well and I'll probably get to lie in for a little longer. It's really still too early to wake up yet…

"Els' wha' me dear pretty Kei, let me sleep an hour more, it's stil' early."

"Fat hope, sleepyhead, that's what you said two hours ago! You…"

I felt a sharp pinch on my arm, jerking me instantly to wakefulness.

"OW! Oh gods, woman. Why did you do that for?"

"Now get up. It's going to be noon soon. We're going out for lunch today."

I groaned inwardly. What did I get myself into, fancy living in the same house with someone like Kei! Dear Maria, is this your punishment for me? If it is, I'd gladly be your slave for eternity than to suffer like this… Anything but having my sleep robbed from me.

"Sei!"

I felt her hand creeping to my arm again, causing my jarred nerves in the morning to tingle as her feather light touch brushed past my skin.

Then she pinched me again.

"OW! Ok, ok, I'm up! I'm up! There's no need to pinch me any further!"

"Gods, Kei. Must it be the same spot again? It hurts like hell!"

I saw her smirk at me, her eyes half covered by the glasses she wore. Oh man, how I wish that she would be more like the bookworm image that she portrays.

And to think I was the one insisting in my head just three months ago that she was categorized under "strong" and "silent". It was my last option at that time to put her under "wolf in sheep's clothing" or "queen of devils". How true it is that you'll understand and know someone better when you are physically closer to them. This was when you could differentiate between angels and demons or someone that's plainly just out to get you.

_And I could swear that she belongs more to the second and last category. _

"Well, I know fully well that you won't get up unless I pinch the same spot twice."

Great… what's the first thing I learnt about Katou Kei?

She's the first grade tormentor of Satou Sei. And I still can't imagine how she could rein in a person like me. Must be the way she yells at me or something…

Oh… I get it now… it must be the motherly style she has that I detest so much… I thought I had the end of it when I left Lillian Highschool and escaped from the paws of Youko.

_Thinking about her just gives me more problems to flood my rather puny brain…_

"Oh, and Sei… Yumi called you this morning at about eight. She doesn't sound good to me. Maybe you should call her back later on."

I got up and took a bow, grinning cheekily at her.

"All duly noted, mi'lady. Please excuse me while I go make myself presentable for the date later on."

I turned away, knowing fully well that she's probably beet-red now.

Heh… at least I could still get my revenge by making her blush…

Hmm… why did Yumi call me so early today when she usually prefers to call on Sundays?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I stretched out my full length in the bath tub, soaking in the warmth of the liquid surrounding me and playing with the frothy bubbles from the shampoo. The most relaxing activity was still to take a snooze in a bath full of warm water… Feeling all the stress and aches being washed out of your system in the water had to be one of my favourite sensations.

_But the best was still tasting the inner tresses of Youko… Something that's not probable to happen anytime soon, and coming close next was hugging Kei's warm body. _

Youko.

Kei.

Youko.

Kei.

_-- I don't know. –_

_……_

_-- Make up your mind before I give you my answer. –_

_…… _

_But till now… I still don't know what I want. After all, love makes you strong, but it makes you stupid too. So I guess I'm forgivable._

Ahhh…

I wonder what does it feel like to take a snooze in the bath without any interruptions from thoughts like this? I wanted so much to be a free woman too. But I guess you couldn't really control the feelings of love… or was it something else altogether?

"Sei! You've been in there for eons. Are you flushed away along with the water or something?"

Talk about interruptions…

"Five minutes, Kei. I know you're anxious to go."

I stepped reluctantly out of the bath and showered myself free from all the foam before stepping out of the bathroom. Just in front of me was a towel and clothes that Kei had put out for me, knowing fully well that I'd forgotten about my clothes and towel.

_Thanks Kei. For this and many more. Perhaps you are an angel at times too._

I quickly got dressed, before Kei yells at me again for being slow. Really… that woman has a sense of urgency that reaches near to two hundred percent, and that's not counting the times where she's really pressed for time.

Just when I finished pulling on my jeans, she barged in the room, holding the phone.

"Couldn't at least knock or something, Kei?"

She shot me a dirty look that spoke volumes, before handing the phone to me.

"Sei, your call, it's Yumi on the line."

I took the phone, and she left me alone in the room to talk with Yumi.

"Moshi-moshi?"

"Sei-sama! This is Yumi."

_She sounds a little too anxious to talk to me…_

"Ara… Yumi-chan. Why the sudden urge to call me?"

"Ano… Sei-sama, do you have free time today? I want to meet you for lunch… I got something to talk to you about."

_I wonder…_

"Eh? isn't it a little late to date me this afternoon? Yumi-chan, you've got to try harder than this…"

"If you're busy… then it's ok, Sei-sama. Well then, I'll just meet you another time."

_Something's not right._

"Wait, Yumi! I'm just joking. Of course I'll meet you today. After all, you are my favourite girl even after all this time. Besides, have you ever seen me being not free during weekends?"

"Really? Then can I meet you at two at Nott's Restaurant?"

"Not a problem, my dear Yumi-chan. Not a problem at all."

_Nott's Restaurant… The place that brings back fond memories for more than just me it seems._

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A/N: Wahaha… Sei got pawned by Kei. xD Ah… this is how I see the relationship between Kei and Sei. Hope it doesn't affect the fic too much… does it? I think I hear some SeiYouko fans screaming in protest, or SeiKei fans screaming. But not to worry, their relationship status ain't confirmed yet, and yes, Kei is Sei's roommate. No, they don't sleep on the same bed, just the same room. Haha, don't kill me. Oh yea, and Nott's Restaurant is the place where everyone likes to go in pairs, even though those out of the pair don't know it. Am I making sense?

Oh yea… I hope this doesn't ruin anything in the fic. Just thought it would be nice to sidetrack a little from all the heavy doses of angst, I couldn't stand the overload of sadness myself… T.T

Yay… Today's Racial Harmony Day in Singapore. So let's all enjoy the different ethnic food!


	11. Chains

Disclaimer: I'm tired of this… I don't own Maria-sama ga Miteru.

Notes: Ohayo – Good morning

!word! - indicates actions

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**(Yuuki's POV)**

!rattle!

Ah. That could only mean that it's Yumi at the door. No one else has the keys to the apartment.

"Ohayo! Yuuki, you're up early today."

Is that really Yumi? She sounds happy… For a while now it seemed that she wasn't cheerful. No… in fact, she didn't seem to be happy ever since the few weeks after the start of the school term. But yet… her voice didn't seem to hold the usual mellow note that was present only just recently. Is this real or has she just gotten better at hiding?

Yumi… did something happen yesterday?

"Good morning, Yumi. Breakfast is ready, so go wash up and eat it while it's hot!"

"Awww… Yuuki, you don't change do you. And here I thought I'll take a chance and come home early enough to make breakfast for you. I guess that you still get to the stove faster than me."

Yumi. Wanting to make breakfast for me? Am I still in my world of dreams?

"Yumi… What's the sudden urge to make breakfast today eh? You rarely even touch the stove."

!shrugs!

"Oh well, you could say that I'm in a good mood today. So… did you cook pancakes today? Are they in the kitchen?"

I studied her carefully, looking for any flaws that might be showing. The Yumi that I was used to for a few months now certainly wasn't like this. This was more like the young and innocent Yumi she was when she first started highschool. Except… she didn't have the awkwardness this time, and her eyes…

Her usually soft brown eyes were now filled with a hardened quality in them… not unlike a warrior who'd just came back from war.

Yumi… don't you know by now that you can't hide anything from me?

Or do you already know but you still insist on doing it?

"Yumi…"

I wrapped my arms around her, around her lithe body. For a moment, she tried to push me away valiantly. I didn't let go of her and held myself against her strength. After some time, she slowly gave in, as if defeated by my determination.

_Cold… she felt cold… and she's trembling._

I could feel her clutching tightly onto my sleeve as if it was her anchor in the sea of pain. For once, I was glad that I was now tall enough for her to lean her head on me. I hugged her tightly, letting my warmth spread to her, trying to let her know in my own way that she isn't alone to face whatever she decided upon.

That's right… there was nothing in her eyes but that single determined glint. I hadn't seen that look from her for a long time. I knew somewhere deep within me that she was tortured by whatever she decided upon doing, but she still wouldn't give in… not when she had that look. She sounded so broken… and her heart-wrenching sobs were doing nothing to still my conflicting thoughts on whether I should pry about the details.

I felt wetness seeping through my shirt, right where her head was. Her head buried deeper into my shoulder, as if trying to hide from everything else. Now that I think of it… she hadn't cried for the same few months when she didn't smile as much. Had she been keeping all her pain and sadness to herself all this time?

I stroked her head… holding her till she was ready to let go. I wasn't sure of how to do it; it's usually her doing the comforting instead of me. It was always her picking up the broken pieces after I got bullied by the other guys for my small size. I wondered what had reduced my usually strong sister to such a state.

Slowly… but steadily, her sobs ceased. But I didn't let her go.

"Yumi……" I started, but she cut me short before I could say anything else.

"It's alright now, Yuuki. I'm sorry… sorry that I made you worried for so long."

I let go of her, sensing that she needed some space. She swiped away her tears with her hands, and tidied up herself.

"Yumi… Do you want to talk about it? I'll always be here to listen."

"Yuuki, you wouldn't understand even if I told you about it."

That's true… I don't really know what's happening around her that well…

"Then how about telling someone who does? At least that person can help you in whatever decision you wanted to make."

"Who could I talk to?"

That person… what was her name again? The person who called during the New Year's… the one who took Yumi out for the trip to the Ogasawara's.

"How about Sei-san?"

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It only took the mention of her name… and Yumi's eyes had lit up with a sudden bright spark…

I stared at the door… the door where she had just left through a moment ago with a single "Goodbye!" to me.

Yumi. I hope that everything will work out just fine with you. Perhaps Sei-san can offer you more than what I can.

Or maybe it's just me that's thinking too much…

_But did her outburst have something to do with her Onee-sama?_

_---------------------------------------------------------------------_

**(Sei's POV)**

All along the way to the restaurant, I wasn't talking to Kei. We were just two women strolling side by side along any common street. Others probably thought that we were not acquainted, and the fact that we're roommates would most likely be lost to them. Being woken up by Kei instead of myself had always put me in a sappy mood, and right now, all I wanted to do was to relax and not do anything strenuous. Besides, it looks like Kei was also lost in her own thoughts.

Unknowingly, I went back two years in time, to the time when I was still in my second year.

_The year where I both found and lost my first love._

Shiori…

Even till now, I still remember that day as clearly as though it was just yesterday. However, the pain and loneliness I felt before was dulled by time… so much so that all that's left of you now is just a memory. Onee-sama had been right, time heals all pain, and eventually, time will allow love to kindle again.

_The enveloping presence and kindness of it, taking every trouble within its account and setting it right again._

As I continued walking, I felt that inside me, something was loosing its hold on me. I could almost feel, in that instant as I walked, claws that were slowly being withdrawn.

And for once, after such a long time, I actually felt a sense of peace that had been avoiding me for a long long time.

_Am I slowly being released from my chains? But where did the chains come from in the first place?_

I stepped into Nott's restaurant. Once again, in this small but yet cosy restaurant, many of my fondest memories in highschool were being unlocked. It was as though I could see myself and the others sitting on the couches and chatting happily away. I guessed that my mind, these times that had long passed would always be kept in that secret spot in my heart.

Eriko… Shimako… Onee-sama… Shiori…

_Youko…_

There was always something which appealed to me here. Was it the ambience? Or was it just plainly the steadiness in this place? Throughout these few years, this was the only place didn't change, the only place where I could still feel the past, albeit a little faded. After all, it has been such a long time since we had a gathering here. Everyone seemed to be too busy with their own matters.

However, I wasn't with any of them here today; but neither was I alone. Kei was with me, and even though it's more on her insistence than anything else that I brought her along, I was still pretty glad that she's here to accompany me. However, I wouldn't have admitted it under any amount of torture.

No way.

It was bad enough that I, Satou Sei, mischief maker and free woman in Lillian Highschool, could not handle Kei on a daily basis. There is no need for her to know more information that could bring me more torment.

_And here I am, however, still pondering over whether my decision to succumb to her had been sound. Perhaps I should have a shrink to help me confirm my mental state. _

And as I sat at one of the tables, I wonder what in the world has possessed me so totally that I let Kei bully me into bringing my assignment here to do while waiting.

_Ah… it must be the summer heat. It must be. How absolutely perfect… Even the weather is working against me now!_

As I scribbled on the worksheet on the table, I glanced at Kei from the corner of my eye, noticing that she was still staring at me with that hardened gaze. Her gaze - almost a glare now as she caught me peeping – was trying to scare me to the point of concentrating fully on my work.

I shivered at what she could do to me… and no, it's definitely not a shiver of pleasure.

The last time I tested the waters, she had me doing dishes and laundry all by myself for a month on top of consistently robbing me of my sleep by waking me up at the crack of dawn instead of letting me sleep in.

Crossing swords with a certain black-haired girl would be your downfall if you happened to live in the same house as her.

Which is, indefinitely, me.

_Bless me. Dear Maria. Seriously._

"Sei, what's the time that Yumi is supposed to meet you today?"

I mumbled to her as I tried to work my way through the complicated math, not wanting to be distracted.

"Two o'clock."

"Ok."

She resumed her meal and we fell in a companionable silence.

_I didn't think I needed anything else right now._

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well, I guess I'll be going now."

I looked up from my work at the sound of her voice, as I tried to decipher her words that were overlapping with the persistent math equations.

"You're not staying? I thought you wanted to go shopping with me later on?"

"True… But I guess we could always do it tomorrow or some other day. I think… Yumi must have something important to tell you, and she wouldn't say it in front of me."

So even Kei could sense that Yumi wasn't that alright, even though she barely knows her. I wonder…

"Aww… Kei, did the vibes emitted from watching too much psychic investigation dramas get to you? It isn't like you to say such statements of the predictive nature."

"No, Sei, I'm serious here. Something must have happened to Yumi for her to suddenly call you, and she hadn't contacted you for weeks before today if you remember…"

"Hey, chill it… I was just joking. Sometimes you know, I'd sworn that you have no sense of humour, Kei. But other times, you just tickle me off so much that I wonder whether you have a hidden motive."

Kei… sometimes, you just worry too much. Just like her…

_So very much alike._

She gave me a grin.

"Who knows, I may schizophrenic for all you know. Well, see you later then, Sei."

I gave her a wink. I was already long used to her sudden change in mood, but she still surprises me sometimes. Well… two can play at the game.

"Seeya."

I leant over and gave her a peck on the cheek, putting on what I hoped was a serious look on my face.

"Sei!"

_Oops?_

I buried myself quickly under the books and assignments on the table.

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A/N: Zzzz… Yuuki is back in action! Lols… ok, face it… Yumi is luckier than Sachiko… at least she has the support from Yuuki. And yes, Yumi is hopefully finally talking to Sei in the next chapter. That's all I'm revealing now. :)

Ah… it was kind of hard to write Kei's actions. I had to piece her personality out from the minimal screen time she has, so please pardon me if you think it's a little OOC. Uh huh… I'm hearing more screams now. Couldn't help it. :P

Side note: Check out my profile if you want updates on the progress of the fic. And thanks for all the reviews! –bows bows- Hehhehs…


	12. Lifeforce

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Maria-sama ga Miteru. I'm poor too, so don't even try to sue me.

Notes:

Ojou-sama – Miss, a formality

Konichiwa – Good afternoon

Ano – Erm…

Arigatou – Thank you

Gomenasai or Gomen - sorry

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**(Sachiko's POV)**

It's Saturday.

It's been only a night… and perhaps some few hours more. Only this amount of time had passed.

It's another day… yet another common day. I don't want to get up from my bed, I don't want to awake from slumber.

But I can't do any of these.

**_Put my shackles on again._**

_Again and again… Forever… A pulchritudinous doll trapped in a dollhouse._

_So totally helpless… so fragile, so weak that anyone who comes by can play with it._

_Throw it around. Squash it. Tear it up. Do whatever you want to… and it can't even give a grumble. No, it isn't even allowed to talk._

_**Imbecile. **_

_Dolls._

I hated dolls. They're weak. Useless. Pointless. And everything else that I hated.

Above all, I detest the fact that they allow themselves to be manipulated.

**But I collect them.**_ Dolls that are broken and torn. _

_Ifix them. Needle to cloth, thread to holes - one stitch at a time till it's beautiful again._

_Because I see myself in them._

I wanted them to remain lovely, and at least… with me… they aren't abused.

_Not anymore._

**_But if only I were them._**

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Ojou-sama, Touko-sama is waiting in the living room for you."

"Miko-san, please convey my message to her that I will be joining her shortly. I need some time to don myself for the trip and make myself presentable."

"I will convey your message to her. Ojou-sama, do you need anything else?"

"No, there's nothing else that I need."

"I shall excuse myself now, Ojou-sama."

That's right, I'm supposed to go out with Touko today. She has always been trying hard to catch me in school, wanting to talk to me more and spend more time with me.

Slowly… as time went by, I found myself warming up to her more. She didn't seem as bad as I thought she was when I first met her. Gradually, as I spent more time with her… I found that somewhere inside her, she actually genuinely cares for her friends and family. It was just that she chose to portray herself like this to prevent herself being exposed.

She's alike me… in this sense… both entwined in a fate that was not ours to decide.

_But…… there's still difference between us. At the very least she didn't succumb to this. Or allow herself to be this pathetic…_

I touched the half-healed cut on my arm.

I once swore to Maria-sama that I wouldn't do it again.

But I broke our oath… I broke it… and I can offer nothing to amend. I could only let time try to heal it; like how it heals the cut…

_Maria… will you punish me for breaking my promise?_

I went into the walk-in wardrobe connected to my room. I had everything I wanted in here… all different kinds and styles of clothes and lingerie available for me. All I needed was to choose…

_So many choices… But all leads to the same path…_

I wandered around, looking at the array of overcoats, gowns, sportswear and all other wearing apparels. How could I not have noticed that I owned such a wide range of clothing? There was even a whole collection of kimonos at one side. I never would have guessed that Miko-san had to go through this amount of clothes just to pick one for me…

How much exactly did I miss out on my life?

I paused in my tracks.

An overcoat stared at me right in the face, as though it's trying to look as innocent as possible under my scrutiny. Even so, its midnight colour contrasted greatly with the late morning sun, so much so that I couldn't take my eyes off it...

_This overcoat…… isn't this what I wore when Yumi and I went on our first date…_

I ran my fingers over the material, feeling the harsh texture of the fabric on the inside of the coat. But yet… this roughness was cloaked by the satin soft fur that was present on the outer layer. So completely hidden that one wouldn't know how it was inside till one wore it.

Such alikeness to the people and the society.

Even though so… there's always one exception……

_Yumi… _

_She never was able to hide anything… her heart was always worn on her sleeve; plain and in sight for everyone to see. Everyone knew when she was feeling sad; people also knew, without a doubt, when she was happy…_

I stroked the coat fondly… Yumi's hands were placed right here… on this very sleeve.

_Her hands were warm… her cheeks flushed pink against the falling temperature of autumn…_

_Yumi…_

_How I longed for those times to be back… but it isn't the same anymore. You wouldn't look at me in the eyes; you wouldn't stay with me any longer than necessary; and you…_

_**You no longer needed me…**_

_That's right… you had your own beliefs; your own thoughts. You are no longer the Yumi that I first knew… this Yumi is now a well-grown rose to be, preparing to flower anytime when the older roses starts to wilt… wilt and be replaced by fresh new roses like you…_

Yumi…

Yumi…

Yumi. Yumi. Yumi. Yumi. Yumi!

Yumi…

I…

_Why are you so cold towards me? Is it because of me? Is it because of my actions to you? Or is it simply because you don't care anymore?_

_……_

_Is it because I'm not perfect enough for you? Because I showed flaws to you and you thought me weak? Because I wasn't a good enough Onee-sama?_

_Tell me… I want to know._

_I want to know why you cried after I slapped you…_

_But more so… I wanted to know why I hit you… _

_I wanted to know why I lost my control…_

_**I've never thought I would lay a hand on you… for this… I'm sorry. But sorry is all what I can do… isn't it?**_

_**Will you ever forgive me?**_

I heard a distinct voice through the wooden door of my room, jarring me out of my thoughts.

"Sachiko-sama! Are you done yet? You're taking eons to change!"

Ah… there's no other voice that sounds quite like her. I'm sure she could wake a rock with that voice of hers.

"Gomenasai, Touko-chan. Give me five more minutes."

"Okay, I'll wait downstairs then. Don't take too long! Time wouldn't wait for you!"

_Time wouldn't wait… and it's ticking by at its own pace._

Closing my eyes, I just walked around the room, pausing at times to pick up some clothes at random. After choosing which combination goes best, I donned them and stepped out to the living room.

Touko was waiting there for me, giving me a pout like always. But her pout soon changed into a look of surprise as she realized what I was wearing.

_Jeans… and a sea-green shirt accompanied by a pale blue jacket._

_It wasn't something I'd worn in my lifetime._

_**Yumi chose all these for me. **_

_Just somehow… somehow…_

_I picked them out…_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------_

**(Yumi's POV)**

I took in the time that was flashing in neon on the restaurant's building.

**02:35pm**

Dang it, I was still late despite taking a cab here… and I _just_ had to get caught in a traffic jam.

"Konichiwa, Yumi-san. It's been some time since I last saw you here. How have you been?"

"Still the same old me, Tsuzuki-san. Ano… has a certain Satou Sei arrived yet?"

"Oh, you must mean Sei-san. She came with a friend about two hours ago, but her friend left already. She's at table 73, but I'm not sure whether she left or not. I'm not taking the waiter duty today."

"Arigatou, Tsuzuki-san."

"Anytime for you, Yumi-san. Do call on me if you need anything else."

Sei-sama came with a friend? That must mean that she's already got an appointment before me… Why did she tell me that she has none?

I should ask her about it when I see her… Where was table 73 again?

If I'm not wrong, it should be on the west wing of the restaurant… I haven't been here to dine for some time now.

_Not since…_

No, I shouldn't be thinking about it yet… I have to ask Sei some questions while I'm still clear headed. I have to clarify what I felt… I have to know…

_Why did it hurt so much… why does it always hurt…_

I searched the area, glancing around for a glimpse of the short blonde hair that belonged to Sei-sama. But no matter how hard I looked, I don't see her. I moved myself over to the only empty table in the room, half-praying that it was the right table and that Sei-sama hadn't left yet.

Table number 73. And Sei-sama wasn't in sight.

!sigh!

I did miss her after all… She must have been bored after waiting such a long time for me and just left.

**_You're now on your own, Yumi._**

_Table, dear table… tell me… Tell me what my feelings are, tell me why it seemed that the world had turned a shade more grey, why colours in my life seemed to diminish steadily over the past few weeks…_

_Tell me why I couldn't feel anything else but sadness and weariness._

_But I guess you wouldn't even if you could talk… right?_

"Yumi-chan!"

……?

I whirled around in my seat at the call of my name…

"Oof!"

… And got half my lifeforce knocked out of me.

_Sei hadn't left._

"Oya, Yumi-chan. You were so late today; I got bored at waiting for almost an hour for you."

"Gomenasai, Sei-sama. I got caught in the traffic."

I felt a pressure building up on my head as she moved her hands.

"Ow! Ow! Sei-sama! I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being late! Stop doing that already! Ouch!"

She just flashed a cheeky grin at me, before letting go of my head.

"Remember, Yumi-chan. That's what you'll get for making me wait so long!"

"Gomen… I'll remember not to let you wait the next time."

Thank you, Sei-sama, for always being here for me and making me feel better like always…

"Well then, shall we order some food?"

"Ara, Yumi-chan is hungry too? Did some teasing sap your energy so much?"

"Sei-sama…"

She didn't change, even after all this time. I noticed that she grew her hair back to shoulder length again. I wonder was there a significance on the length of her hair.

"Oi! Any waiters around? There two hungry people waiting to be fed here!"

Everyone else paused in their eating, and stared incredulously at me and her.

_Ack… some things really didn't change after all._

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A/N: Yes! I finally got this out of my head. Been having writer's block lately due to exam stress, but your reviews revived me! I hope this chapter isn't bad or anything though… -.-;; Anyways… -throws many chibi Sei and Yumi dolls around- Hehehe… I'm in the giving mood today (courtesy of Hoppy-chan). Grab as many as you want!

Ah… the next update… shall have to see whether I got the time and inspiration to write… Thanks to my steadfast reviewers for constantly giving me support to write more!

Hais… Sachiko… my dear Sachiko… what will happen to you? T.T

P.S: Don't ask me what's with the dolls.


	13. Me

Disclaimer: Insert standard disclaimers. Or would you prefer – I own nuts? -

Notes!word! – actions

-- word – memories/recollections

_-----------------------------------------------------------------_

**(Yumi's POV)**

Even as the pianist plays in the background, the silence between us was tangible to the point where I could almost taste it. Both Sei and I were concentrating on our food, and she's probably lost in her own thoughts like I am. Lunch was a time to slow down our footsteps; steps that paced all around, never once noticing that they were running in circles.

That's right, there was a reason why the world was round.

_Because for the end of everything, it returns to the point where it first started._

Onee-sama… will everything return to where it first started?

Suddenly, I felt a presence coming closer to me. However,_ it_ reached me before I could even realize what was going on.

!poke poke!

_Not this again…_

"Eek! Sei-sama! That tickles!"

"Ara… does it now?"

!poke poke poke!

"Sei-sama! Stop doing – ah! It tickles!"

"Then would you share your penny of thought with me now? You know, I'm bored of just looking at you stare at your food."

My thoughts…

Onee-sama.

Sachiko-sama.

_Sachiko._

**Pain. Sorrow. Regrets. **

"Sei-sama… can I ask you something?"

"Isn't that what you asked me out for? Of course you can, you silly girl. In fact, anything else is better than staring at you."

"Oh. Gomen, I didn't realize that you were finished with your food…"

_Is this how I should feel? Is this what I should do? What am I supposed to do?_

**The world is round after all…**

"Sei-sama… Did you have a quarrel with Shimako or your previous Onee-sama before?"

"Hmm? Quarrels? Not really. We of the white rose family didn't have that kind of a soeur relationship which can spark off a fight. For us, we require something different from our soeurs as compared to the Chinensis and Foetida family. It has been like this for a long time – almost long enough to be a trend that's passed down year by year."

_She doesn't know how it feels like… how can she help me if she doesn't know how it feels like?_

"By the way, why are you suddenly so interested to know?"

"It's nothing really… I was just curious. I had the sudden urge to ask you about it, that's all. Maybe it's because I want to know more about your kind of soeur relationship when I see Shimako with Noriko. Not to forget about you of course."

"Oh? So Youko was right when she said that Yumi-chan thinks about me every single day! Tell me, Yumi, did you miss me that much? Or did you miss this more?"

Before I could react or question her, she practically leapt out of her seat and tackled me.

The next moment where I gained my breath back, I found her wrapped around me from the back, her head on my shoulder.

And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape from her grip on me.

_Just like the old times._

"Sei-sama… many people are watching."

I must have wasted my breath on that sentence. She didn't seem to get the meaning of it.

"Erh? Yumi-chan ain't shrieking anymore? That's no fun. Did hanging around Sachiko after I left reduce you to this solemn and serious state? Since when did you start caring about what the others thought?"

Onee-sama…

_No… I didn't exactly hang around her like you thought I did._

"Did I change that much?"

"I wouldn't know for sure… shouldn't you know yourself better than me?"

She leant in - her face just inches away from mine.

"But not to worry, Yumi, everyone changes at some point or another. The most important thing is to know when you changed. Did you know… sometimes when we're in search of something, we tend to misplace everything else? We always seem to miss things out, things that will make us regret when we decide to look back to the past again; but even if we knew this, few would succeed in preventing it from happening. And it's because people change; that's why this happens all the time."

She enclosed me in a tighter embrace, her fingers playing with my hair as she continued whispering into my ear.

"Now let me ask you, Yumi. What do you desire most? And how would the world be like if that thing or person ceases to exist at all? From where did your drive for life come from? What have you been searching for?"

"Sei-sama, I… …"

"Shhh… you don't need to tell me, it'll be fine as long as you know the answer yourself. Now, this is my second challenge to you. I want you to do what it takes to make things right, do what you feel _is _right and the next time I see you; I hope that the Yumi I know will be back in action. But of course, the same rules apply."

I felt something warm and wet pressing against my cheeks for a moment before Sei released me.

_Do what you think is right… _

What I think is right…

Her voice shook me out of my thoughts, and I noticed that she looked ready to leave.

"Well then, Yumi-chan, I've got some shopping to do. Do you want to come along with me? Or would you rather go home now?"

"No thanks, I think I'll stay here for a while longer. Have fun!"

I smiled inwardly as she just gave me another one of her grins.

"Oh, before I forget… this is for the meal, Yumi."

"Nono, I should pay for it seeing that I was late…"

"Just take it. Well then, goodbye! Don't miss me too much, love!"

Whaa-at?

She was already out of sight, leaving me to fend off the stares of others again. No, I mustn't blush, I mustn't blush.

Sadly, my face wasn't listening to my command as I felt warmer and warmer.

_Even so, thank you. For trusting that I can do it, and for many other reasons._

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time to do my homework… School's starting tomorrow…

I took out the assignments, and spread them neatly on the table.

- Question one: What caused the conflict between Lily and Pierre?

_Fukuzawa Yumi. What do you desire the most? How would life be like without your foremost desire? What keeps you awake, what keeps you anticipating the next day? Your family? Your friends? School?_

_Where do you get the drive to continue on?_

_What have you been searching for?_

- Question two: Which word in paragraph four states that she was feeling upset by Pierre's actions?

_I don't know. I can't be sure of anything else anymore. _

_-- everyone changes at some point or another --_

_Have I changed that much? Did it turn out this way because of me?_

- Question three: Explain, in your own words, what Lily meant when she said 'you bath in mud, Pierre.'

Yumi, concentrate… concentrate on the questions.

- Question three: Explain, in your own words, what Lily meant when she said 'you bath in mud, Pierre.'

_What would it have been if Sachiko didn't study in Lillian? How would it be if I became the soeur to some other person? Would I feel like this?_

Arrggh. I give up. I can't do any work right now.

_So many questions… too little answers…_

"Yumi! There's a call for you! Hurry up!"

"Ok ok, I'm coming Yuuki!"

I scrambled out of my room at his yell and made my way to the receiver.

"Well, I'm off to play soccer with the other guys now, Yumi."

"Have fun while you're at it!"

"I will!"

Who would call me on a Sunday?

"Hello, this is Yumi. May I know who's speaking?"

"Yumi-sama, this is Touko."

"Touko-chan?"

How did she get my number? And why is she calling me?

"Yes, it's me. Gokigenyou, Yumi-sama."

"Gokigenyou, Touko-chan."

I heard her take in a deep breath on the other side of the receiver.

"Yumi-sama, what in the eighteen levels of hell did you do to Sachiko-sama? Do you know that she wasn't herself at all when we went out yesterday, and her dressing wasn't the only thing that was wrong! She was still fine when I had lunch with her on Friday, and I know that something happened that evening. She's acting totally happy and hyperactive yesterday, and that's what you never see from her! Besides that, I caught her crying in the bathroom, and she wouldn't tell me what happened. So tell me, what did you do to her? Were you being a total idiot again? And here I thought that you finally wised up and finally started to support her as you should. Where in the world has that side of you gone to!"

Huh?

"Touko-chan, what do you mean?"

_Was what I'm hearing now really true?_

_Onee-sama… but weren't you the one?_

"What else can I mean? Obviously it's exactly as what I've said just now! Yumi-sama, are you even LISTENING to what I'm saying?"

"Touko-chan… I…"

_I thought that I was the only victim. But it wasn't as it should have turned out…_

"Hmph. Save your explanation for someone else. I just can't believe you! I don't want to hear your excuses that would surely be as pathetic as they come! You aren't suited for Sachiko-sama at all! How could you be enjoying yourself with that Sei person when she's obviously not being herself? And don't you try denying it, we saw you in that restaurant laughing and joking with her! I'm severely disappointed with you! Good day!"

_Touko's right, I'm an idiot… all I thought about was myself… and never about how you would have felt…_

_It shouldn't be like this._

With that, Touko hung up on me, her voice still ringing true in my ears.

_You aren't suited for her at all…_

I stumbled back to my room, not giving a hoot about anything else that was in my way.

**_Save your explanations. They're all excuses._**

I flopped onto the bed, letting the sun's rays bombard me in the wake of afternoon like the trails of fiery fireballs.

_Yes._

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

A/N (It's a pretty long one this time): Ahhhhh…… I got all my happiness sucked out of me… TT.TT

Ok, now I've got that part out, here's something from me – hands everyone a yeyeo plushie that says 'stab me' – Go on, poke me. Sad to inform all of you, but I probably wouldn't be updating till a long time later. I'm having a major exam for this school year ('O' levels for those in Singapore) and probably have to start mugging. Plus, I'm having a week long mini exam starting 4 days later too. Hard life I lead. Death to exams! –roar-

Anyway, back to the topic…

All hail the conversation with Sei! Lols, I finally got that part out… it was pretty hard to write for me. Hmm… I need comments on how all of you thought on this chapter. I thought that something was a little odd about it, but I just couldn't get at where to change. Maybe someone could point it out?

I know the story's proceeding at a rather slow pace, but not to worry… that 'something' which both Yumi and Sachiko needs is coming out soon, and hopefully they'll see better days ahead… – evil grin – but then, maybe this would end in a happy ever after… that part remains to be seen… Oh yea, do surprise me with all kinds of reviews, yes? Hehes… -glomps reviews up like ice-cream- Darn it, I'm getting fatter.

edit I've added some parts to the second section of this chapter. After re-reading it on the net, I found that it was really abit off. Anyway, I hope that the mood of the part is better now.

**To Naolin: **Ah, prefer to call you this…(you don't mind do you?) Many thanks for your support from Chapter 1 till now. I'll work hard for my exams too! Oh, and for the spelling errors you mentioned, is it more about the 's' and 'z' or the Japanese spelling? I'm using Microsoft word to spell check, but I think it sometimes fluctuates between American and British spelling. Sheesh… -grin- Maybe I could get you as my beta or something… whad'ya think?

**To xSojix: **Wahaha… a fellow Singaporean! National Day was just yesterday! Anyway, thanks for your reviews too, it gave me encouragement to continue writing. Cheers!

**To jcole, shadowWizz and Syaoran Li Clow: **Peace, peace! It's moving along soon, probably in a few chapters more. And of course, thanks for reviewing me and providing me with some inspiration with your reviews! (don't know whether it's intended or not though –scratches head- but it does)

**To other reviewers (too many more to name): **I must give my heartfelt thanks for dropping a review like you did. It really warms me to think that the story touched you enough for you to review.

**To others who read this story: **It's nice to know that you are still continuing the story, and I hope that you enjoyed it as well as I enjoyed writing it!

Now this sounds like farewell… don't it? Nope, I assure you that I'll be back! Wish me luck!

- yeyeo


	14. Please

Disclaimer: I do not own Maria-sama ga miteru.

Notes: -- phrase – equals memory

**Warning: Longer chapter alert! Don't read with a tight schedule.**

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Sometimes, it just hurts more to let go than to stay.

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

(Sachiko's POV)

I took off the jacket that both protected and hid the wound.

-

"Sachiko-sama? Why are you wearing a jacket in summer? I thought you would be more inclined to something cooler like a plain cotton blouse."

"It wouldn't matter now, will it? After all, we're going shopping in an air-conditioned place. Besides, I thought this outfit suits me rather well."

"Oh… shall we go off now?"

_So different… but yet so similar at the same time._

"Sure."

-

I left the jacket , knowing fully well that someone, perhaps Miko-san, would probably come around to collect it soon.

-

_What is this urge that I have to be happy now? _

"Hey Touko, don't you find that dress beautiful? I mean, just look at the design of it! It's plain but yet holds that slightest tinge of exquisiteness that stands out without being too obvious. Don't you agree?"

_What is this sudden well-up of joy that wasn't suppos- no shouldn't even exist? _

_… am I allowed to feel miserable? Am I allowed to be laughing without care? Am I? _

"Is it really that pretty? Hmph, it doesn't look like anything much to me, I thought that this design is pretty common nowadays."

_What reason do I have to not care anymore?_

"Really? I must be out of touch with the trend then. It really _has_ been a while since I last stepped into a designer's backyard."

_It's common… but not so to her…_

"Perhaps, you could always order what you wanted from the usual people anyway."

I stroked the dress, getting a feel of the soft flowing material. It was a stark contrast to that overcoat…

_It's long… but just maybe…_

"You think I should buy this?"

_I've lost the feel for it… but which one did I lose?_

"It's up to you; nothing's stopping you from buying it except for yourself."

"Hmm, I should. It fits me pretty well too."

"Sachiko-sama… are you feeling ill today? You're not quite yourself."

_Not quite myself… no, I was never myself. From where did the 'not quite' come from?_

"Nope, I feel perfectly fine, I'm sure that I'm healthy too. Why do you say so?"

"It's nothing… but if you're really feeling that healthy, let's go to the indoor amusement park then! Shall we? Shall we? Please say yes…"

"The amusement park?"

"Yup, please agree?"

_So eager…_

"Fine… you win. You have been accompanying me for sometime now, I should reward you. Let me pay for the dress first. Wait outside for me, will you?"

"Ok."

I turned around and walked over to pay at the counter.

_Such alikeness._

-

I stood in front of the window, taking in the view of the grounds before me; grounds that one day will come under my ownership. Outside, bright lights that belonged to the lamp posts stared back at me, as if challenging me to find the stars that they masked.

-

We stopped at a traffic junction, waiting for the lights to turn.

"Isn't that Yumi-sama by the window seat of that restaurant? And is that the former Rosa Gigantea that I see?"

"Probably, but Yumi's free to meet anyone Touko. There's no need to be so curious about who she sees outside of school."

**_Liar. You know otherwise._**

****The lights turned and I was driven away before I could…

_Could what? Wonder what's happening? Mope? Have your mood spoilt? Don't keep your hopes up; she wouldn't even want you anymore if you really think about it. _

The car drove on and on.

-

Tomorrow's Monday.

_You'll meet Yumi tomorrow…_

Would she treat everything differently, or would she choose to ignore it and continue on being like this?

_All I know is that some little part of me wants things to be back… back when she was just a first year and me a second year student…_

-

It's been years since I last stepped into such a place like this. Father had always insisted that amusement parks and the likes are for street kids only, never for the rich and refined like us. For me, my days were just filled up by lessons after lessons and books were my only companion. I was never allowed to play any games that the others did – I did have lessons in chess though. Hugs and kisses from parents were replaced by an endless stream of tutors and nannies; it was only on rare occasions that mother showed some affection to me. Father on the other hand, was more concerned about his aquarium than me.

I was seven when I had my last roller coaster ride. I remembered that I begged mother for weeks before she let me go to the park secretly, but it was discovered by father when he came home unexpectedly that day. From then on, I was never allowed to leave the house unless I had lessons on. This lasted till the age where he deemed me old enough to stop having the urge to go to such places.

_But I was long used to this coldness… Right up till the day I met Yumi. The day where I found myself floundering for the first time._

I leant against the marble sink, its cold edge sinking into skin under my weight.

-

**_When you rob someone of warmth, all that's left will be cold. But one wouldn't understand what's cold till they experience warmth. They can insist that they know, but deep down, they just don't. Even when they say you can't feel for something you don't have, I have always wondered… is this really true? _**

-

What are these feelings that I have?

**_ I'm confused…_**

_Your eyes are like those of the sun; so honest and pure that any blemish would be burned away by your gaze alone. With eyes like this you could melt the chilliest ice and bring spring to new heights if you wanted to. Even so, you had something more… something which exists in form of your lips – lips shaped to perfection that it almost hurts to see you smile. But yet, it is your smile which brings much joy to those around you, your laughter which warms many hearts unknowingly. However, none of these can be compared to your heart. Such an organ of innocence and love it is; your heart cared for everything and anything, a heart that fits without flaws to you. _

_But that evening… flames that were once so strong died down. In that one instant, a bleeding rock seemed atop of that wonder that was you. In that one instant, everything broke down. Dams that held tears back no longer did, lips that curved into kindness easily stilled. I could almost see your heart fade a little under that look._

_In that one instant where I destroyed everything with a touch._

Something wet fell down my cheeks; followed by another and another.

_Tears? _

-

I stared at the ceiling from my position on the bed, not giving in to the softness of the mattress, to the lure of sleep. Just not yet.

_I cried…_

Why did I do that?

…_Touko saw it._

Was it worthwhile? All I had to do was just to say yes to her request. If I did, all this wouldn't have happened.

**_Will it really be so?_**

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Yumi's POV)

Yuuki hadn't come back yet.

I sat down in the chair, not knowing what I could do to occupy myself. I've finished homework, done all the dishes, swept and mopped the floor twice and I was done with my dinner. In the house, there was nothing else for me to do. I laid my head on the table, contemplating whether I should go to bed this early or just space out to that piece of cloud.

A blank piece of paper simply stared back at me from the table, looking innocent.

_Too plain. _

I took out a pencil from amongst my stationeries. Looking at the single sheet of pristine, my hand was drawn to make a blemish on it, wanting to mark the paper with it's presence. I just let it be, not really caring what will be the final product of my scribble. After all, it was better than doing nothing.

Unknowingly, I had drawn something that I was very familiar with. Something which I kept by my side regardless of what I did.

_Her rosary._

It rested on my chest, the metal turning chiller the more I stared at the picture.

_Protest?_

_**Yes.**_

The answer echoed in my ear constantly, drowning me in an endless stream of whispers as I pulled out another piece of paper from a notepad.

-- "I caught her crying in the bathroom." --

My hand instinctively took up a pen and drifted across the paper once again.

-- "She's acting." --

_It's all entirely my fault._

_**She doesn't deserve this…**_

Under the dim light, all I could see is the splotch of organized ink staining the paper that I was writing on.

_Everything happens in a cycle. Meet, depart, and meet again. It's all the same._

I finished the last sentence, and with full knowledge of what I had written, I placed my stuff in order again.

_It's for the best… for both of us._

----------------------------------------------------------------

I stood in front of her statue, and made my prayers to her before starting school today.

"Maria-sama, I'm sorry… but I can't go on like this. I'm sorry. Please give Sachiko and me your blessings."

With that, I turned and headed for the Rose Mansion, not expecting anybody to be in it at this early hour.

-

I opened the door to _the_ _room_. Nobody was in it, as expected. The shadows poured over the furniture, making the room seem eerie despite the peeking rays of the morning sun that were streaming in.

I laid the letter on her seat.

Slowly, I lifted the rosary from its place on my neck, its coolness making a stark contrast to the growing yellowness of dawn.

I placed it atop the letter, with one final kiss.

_I'll miss you._

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Sachiko's POV)

Standing in the shadows of the corridor, I heard you leave the building. I didn't want to meet you just yet; I was ready to face anything… anything except you. I thought I would be alone here, but you came…

_What were you doing in that room? You made no noise and little movement… I wonder what your purpose was._

I came out of my hiding place, unsure on whether I should pry.

_Just go in. It's better than you adding more questions to that list._

The door knob turned, and I was greeted by the sight of the golden-bathed room. From the corner of my eye, something sparkled on the table.

_Something very familiar…_

**_A chill ran down my spine._**

-

I clutched the valediction letter tightly in my fist as I searched the school grounds for Yumi. The rosary was making little stabs on my palm from the pressure I exerted, but I could care for nothing else right now.

_What did you mean by this? You wanted everything to end with this formal, emotionless letter? Just like this? I don't believe it!_

_**I can't let her go, not like this.**_

The greenhouse.

That's right, She must have gone to that greenhouse!

-------

I opened the door to the greenhouse, still panting heavily from the run here.

_Yumi…_

She just stood there with a dispassionate look on her face. A face that betrayed no emotion at all.

_What are you thinking?_

I gave myself a moment to regain my breath before speaking.

"Yumi."

"Sachiko-sama. I wasn't expecting you."

I shivered slightly at her cold tone.

_When did Yumi ever have such a tone…_

"Why… Yumi, tell me."

My voice sounded broken… but it didn't seem to have any effect on her.

_You shouldn't sound so weak._

"Nothing much, I just felt that we weren't suitable after all. It's all for the best."

_No… there must be a better reason than this… Yumi wouldn't do this… not ever!_

I strode over to where she was standing.

"Why, Yumi. Why did you give me back my rosary? Why did you want to break the bond?"

_I don't understand… Yumi… did you hate me so much? I want to know…_

I shook her on the shoulders.

"Tell me Yumi! Tell me the reason that drove you to this! Tell me that you have a better reason… that you really have a better reason for this…"

_Yumi… please…_

Tears started their descent down my cheeks, blurring my vision of her. Masking her features to me.

"Yumi…… please…"

_Her features softened._

"I'm sorry."

_Suddenly, it didn't feel so cold now._

"Sachiko-sama… I… I'm not good enough for you. I can never do anything for you… even if I want to, I couldn't! You and I live in different worlds, and… I… I don't understand what you're going through, what you are feeling. I – I want to understand, but maybe someone else can do it better than me…"

"I'm sorry… but I really cannot stand it anymore! From the start of our soeur relationship till now… all I felt was pain, sadness and longing when I'm with you. Yes, I was happy during these times too, but the frequent times when I feel an ache by just looking at you hurts me like nothing else could. I don't want to continue on like this. I don't want to continue upsetting you due to my ignorance and neither do I want to worry my friends and family anymore. How can I do so when you are in my life? I no longer know how I feel when I'm with you. Do you know how hard it is for me to dream of you at night - and having the best time of my life in the dream – but waking up to a new morning where things are so different from it?"

"Yumi… I…"

_With every word she said… my heart was losing a fragment of itself; carved into a smaller piece slowly as the knives came in._

"I can't help it. When I'm next to you, all I feel are things that confuse me. And I don't want to feel like this anymore. Sachiko-sama, I'm sorry for wasting all your time and effort. I can't be your soeur anymore, but just maybe, you can find a soeur soon enough to let her be the next Rosa Chinensis. Thank you for all that you've done for me… but it's time for goodbye… It's all for the best."

My eyes went in slow mode as I saw her turn around and run away. She didn't shed a single tear… I didn't see a single one…

_No._

**_Yumi… _**

_It's all for the best…_

****Something clicked in me as I processed what was happening.

"No! Yumi, wait!"

I ran after her.

_No, Yumi… don't leave me alone… don't… not again… not like this…_

I caught hold of her arm, not letting her go as she tried to pull free from my grip. I gave her a tug, and she landed in my arms, in my embrace.

Her face was so close to mine… her lips was but an inch away…

**_You know what you want, don't you?_**

_Yes._

"Sachiko-sama… why did you come after me?

_Yumi… I finally understand. I finally realized the reason of why I avoided you… the reason why I didn't want you too close to me. This is why I dream of you, why I can't allow this, why I'm who I am now. I don't want you involved in my twisted family rules, I don't want you to know too much, and I never ever wanted to hurt you. But if you came too close, in the end, the one to get hurt the most will be you, for nothing else can change the fate I had._

"I just wanted to say…"

_I love you, Yumi, and it isn't going to change anytime soon. Therefore, I will let you go._

_No… I have to let you go… I must let you go._

_Get away from me totally before you get hurt anymore than I've done now. Get away before I hurt you anymore._

I crushed my lips against hers, and pulled her closer to me, closing the distance between us.

_But please… let me have this last one reprieve…_

I murmured against her lips.

"… I hate you. That's why."

_I dove in._

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A/N: Whew, that was a long one… thought of splitting it up but couldn't find the heart to. Now that I've got that out of my brains… -goes back to mug for exams-

Ok… I surrender… I can't resist the temptation to write during weekends… I got out another chapter in the midst of doing Biology. How freaky is that? Anyway… nevermind… you can tell me what you thought of this chapter. Eh… I didn't really check the chapter for grammar as I was rushing through it… so please tell me if you spot some errors.

To all reviewers: -throws Sachiko and Yumi chibi dolls to hug- While stocks last!

- Brain cells not working. Don't mind me. -


	15. Distract

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Notes: -- phrase – equals memories

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(Yumi's POV)

"No! Yumi, wait!"

I halted in my tracks.

_You weren't supposed to follow. You were supposed to stay there… stay there and accept what I've said to you. You should be totally indifferent to what I've said, or maybe even giving me a slap for wasting your time and effort for so long._

_… Everything but come running after me._

"Sachiko-sama… why… why did you come after me?"

_What did this mean? Did she not want the bond dissolved? Or was she simply just…? _

_Was there…… a second chance that she's willing to give me?_

"I just wanted to say…"

_-_

_Her smile… her warm gaze…it was nothing like what I've ever seen her wear._

"It's just that I… don't have any self-confidence. I thought that you got tired of the date and left already…"

_"_I'll never leave you like this, Yumi. Don't be silly."

_She wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall._

-

She pulled me in, closing the distance between us.

I braced myself for a hug from her; just like what she had done so many times before…

_You would patch things up, wouldn't you? Perhaps all this was uncalled for? There is a better way out than this right? Even if I was the one… you would understand right?_

**You should pull away. Where did all your little nobility go to? Where was the determination to let her go? Where's the selflessness that you must have to do what's best? Where did all these go?**

_She broke down every inch of it. No… she reduced every single part of the wall that I threw up against her into dust without even trying. _

The hug never came.

Instead, I felt her face approaching mine… closer and closer…

_Blue… so blue… her eyes… just for a moment I…_

Something soft and moist pressed onto my lips.

_We breathed the same air._

Her lips were of the sea - smooth and gentle like the waves, and tasted a little salty too. She caressed the lonely boat that was me, rocking me slowly and never letting me sink…_ It felt like heaven itself._

_It feels good._

I closed my eyes as I slowly accepted this kiss.

_It feels right. I belonged here within her arms…_

…_but what is this nagging feeling that I missed out something?_

She enclosed me tighter in her embrace, as if assuring me that nothing was wrong, that it was nothing that I needed to worry about.

_She sensed it?_

-

"You are not to be blamed for it, Yumi… I'm the one at fault."

_I was selfish when you needed me most._

"Onee-sama…"

"Will you forgive me?"

_No… I should be the one asking for forgiveness. Not you. But…_

-

She pulled away slightly.

_Don't go. _

_I want more… more of this sense of peace that I feel now._

Shamelessly, I pressed closer and wrapped my arms around her, preventing her from leaving this all too soon.

_More than this little contact of lips. _

-

The trees swayed gently along with the wind and leaves rustled pleasantly together in a joyful melody. The sky was pure and beautiful - complete with white clouds that were parading their blue paradise. The afternoon sun bestowed upon the flowers a radiant glow; one which tried to distract me from her.

It wouldn't have worked.

She was poised among the brightly coloured flowers, sniffing at a particular one that she fancied. Seeing her amongst them had never failed to make me wonder.

_Is she really not a princess from some fairytale?_

I walked towards her, unable to resist her loveliness any longer.

"Sachiko… you like daffodils, don't you?"

"Yes, I love them… they're all so pretty."

"Just like you."

I gave her a little peck on the lips.

-

**_If only this was not a dream._**

-

-- _What do you desire most? --_

Maybe I wanted a promise… a promise that far exceeds what she already gave me. A different kind of promise…

**You shouldn't be doing this. She's your Onee-sama after all. Both you and her are girls, how can you do such a thing like this? This is forbidden. You are in a school for goodness sake!**

_Shut up. There's nothing wrong with it. _

**How can nothing be wrong when it is all wrong!**

_Whatever._

I felt her tongue licking at my lips, and her hands were tugging my head closer to her.

_You haven't answered my question yet…_

The next moment, she murmured something so soft that I could barely hear her.

"… I hate you. That's why."

_I froze._

_Her voice echoed in my ears. _

She leaned more into the kiss, forcing my lips to part open for her. Her gentle touch turned rough; nails started digging into my flesh as she clawed at my back and arms; her embrace tightened even more - I couldn't breathe…

_She… why?_

Suddenly, it didn't feel like heaven anymore. Not anymore.

_The once peaceful waves turned into turbulent surges of anger. I was surrounded by the harsh waves that plunged towards me. It no longer seemed soothing… The waters weren't safe anymore._

**You see, it's all wrong! It's a sham, just a sham to get under your skin! Now would you believe me?**

I pushed her away from me, releasing myself from her hard grip.

!SMACK!

"Sachiko-sama! What are you doing?"

_-- People change. Always. --_

_It just depends how… and when…_

She just stood there.

She didn't bother to move from her position; her head still tilted in the direction where I slapped her.

_Her cheek was tinted red. But her eyes… they betrayed nothing of what she felt – but it wasn't exactly empty either. Her face was a perfect mask, one that I didn't learn to decipher even after so long…_

_Even so… I can't…_

Slowly, she turned to look at me straight in the eyes.

_She looked…… defeated?_

"Don't you get it? I hate you. I was just showing you how much I did."

**What other confirmation than this do you need more? When she starts ripping your uniform?**

_-- What do you desire most? What have you been searching for? --_

_She tore down the barriers I've put up against her. _

_-- People change. --_

_She… her… me…_

Something clicked.

-

_For every action… there is always a reason. Sometimes, when we don't know the reason, we tend to assume. It is because of this assumption that we make mistakes; that, and because of the selfish nature of humans. When we are hurt, we tend to think more of ourselves and how the other can make this hurt feel better. It will never be about this other person. No matter how many times this can happen, we will always miss out the fact that the other person is hurt deeply too. _

_In a quarrel, both sides suffer the same wounds. This is why they say there's only a fine line separating hate and love. When we love, both parties can feel the warmth… the happiness and peace that exists only between them – something which they can never feel as one person. This is an emotion that needs to be shared equally, fairly… just so that it will work. Hate works the same way too. Hate exists only between two people, and it has to be mutual in order for hate to work. Hatred too needs to be shared fairly in order for it to blossom. Love needs work to continue; love is built upon time and patience, and maintained through communications and respect. However, the best kinds of love are those that sparkle in the night like stars and require no words to understand. Hate in turn, requires effort and energy to maintain; hatred is formed mainly through ignorance or purely loathing for an extremely long time. Hatred maintains itself when there's enough sparks flying between two people; the worst kinds of hate stems from bitterness – something so dark and deep that it swallows whatever the night sky shows._

_But in the end… love… hate… all of it can be conformed to another under the right conditions._

_And just sometimes… to protect someone you love… _

_…the best way is to learn how to hate…_

-

**So be it. I'm not going to care if you insist on digging your own grave.**

"Do you hate me this much?"

"You really don't get it, do you? Listen carefully, Fukuzawa Yumi. I detest you. I hate you to the core of my being. Now get away from me before I get sick of looking at you."

"So you hated me this much…"

_I finally saw you. I found the person that I ought to identify a long time ago. I may be wrong… but as long as there's a chance…_

"Did I just hear you say you aren't going to leave? Fine then, I will. From now on, we will have nothing to do with each other. You are a free person now. Gokigenyou."

Your words rolled past my ears. None of it went into my head.

_Don't you understand… this won't work anymore._

She whirled around, her skirt fluttering after her as she made to leave.

"Stop."

_You're just hurting yourself. _

She hesitated for a moment. It was all the time I needed.

I reached over and grabbed her hand, preventing her from running away alone again.

"Don't."

"Let me go."

_Never. _

"No."

She tried to tug her hand out of my grasp.

"I said let me go."

"No."

_Even the strongest can be reduced to nothing when they're alone…_

I refused to budge.

"Let me GO!"

She tried again, this time a little more desperately.

"No."

I gave her hand a jerk, dragging her unwilling body towards me. My free hand looped on her waist in one fluid motion, keeping her trapped.

_It's useless now… this façade of yours._

"Get awa- "

I pressed a finger to her lips.

"Sachiko-sama, I… I'm sorry."

"What no-"

"Shh… please let me finish what I want to say…"

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Post chapter note:

The first flashback – scene of Yumi and Sachiko's date in the anime

Second flashback – scene of Yumi and Sachiko in episode 13 of the Haru(spring) series.

A/N: Ok… I spent many hours cracking my head on how to continue this story. Somehow… it just ended up like this. T.T I'm afraid that some parts may not be that clear to some, and I'll gladly address any questions posed to me in reviews or personal emails. Hmm… Argh… nevermind… -massive headache- must be the heat. I'm probably going to rewrite this chapter or something when I'm in a clearer mental state of mind. Uh… tell me what you think of this chapter?

Oh yea… before I forget –takes out a packet of aspirin- anyone wants? Lols.. guess not. Nah, that's for me. –hands green tea to everyone-

P.S- That green tea was snatched from a certain crimson-eyed beauty. Chocolates for those who guessed correctly!

P.S.S- Ok… now I'm blabbling.


	16. Realization

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the memory of this anime.

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**_I have always questioned how much you cared for me_**

**_I have always wondered why you mattered so much to me_**

_**I do not understand**_

**_But I guess this is how life works_**

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Shh… please let me finish what I want to say…"

"Sachiko-sama, I… I only just realized why. I'm finally beginning to understand my own feelings; feelings that had been growing at a subconscious level ever since the first day I met you. I finally comprehended a portion of the reason why I was confused by everything, every action you've made. The pain I felt, the longing ache in my heart, the seemingly absurd dreams I had of you, the feel of despair and sadness when reality proved me wrong; everything points to this… but I was blind enough not to realize it earlier. I don't know about you, but… I think… you captured a special part of my heart that can never be filled with anyone else."

I felt her tense body relax a little. I released her, not wanting to cause her anymore physical pain from my tight grip.

_You needed to hear this from me… that's what you've wanted all along…_

_It's true then… _

_But how long had it been?_

_-_

_It was an unexpected New Year's Day where I was able to sleep next to Onee-sama. I feel like this might be a great year… _

I flipped to my right, facing her, watching her relaxed features.

_I wonder if she's already asleep._

"Yumi."

_Apparently not._

"Y-Yes?"

"I'm happy that you came to my house today."

"Really?"

"If you don't mind, I would like you to come over again.

"Okay."

"Goodnight, Yumi."

"Goodnight."

_She would like me to come over again._

-

"Yumi… What do you mean?"

_Did it really mean this? Or was it just something similar? Something that I misinterpreted again? I seriously detest the fact that I'm clueless about a lot of things…_

"I don't know what it means and neither am I sure whether this is how I really feel… but I really don't want to see you like this. Sachiko-sama… you have been hiding and running away, haven't you? All this time… you have been suffering on your own… Why? Why do you put up a façade to keep everyone away, to keep everyone out? If it helps you deal with the problem… I wouldn't mind it! But the way I see it, you're sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss! Your acts no longer work on me. Your meetings with Kashiwagi-san, with Touko-chan; none of it affects me now. It doesn't affect me now for I finally could see _you._"

I stared into her eyes.

_Eyes that still attempted to hold up the mask it had, even now. Eyes that still held an ounce of defiance._

"Tell me, Sachiko-sama; tell me everything that you've kept bottled up in your soul for god knows how long."

I paused for a moment before continuing.

"Tell me whether you'll still say you hate me now."

"Yumi… I…"

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_**I finally knew why you mattered so much to me**_

**_I finally understood why I bothered to question how much you cared for me_**

**_I don't know what your answer is to my questions_**

_**It's all up to you to say it **_

**_But I am glad… glad that I've met you in my life_**

_**Sachiko… **_

_I think I fell in love with you._

_**But were you in love with me? **_

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ _

"Yumi… I… hate you."

I remained motionless at her words. The world around me seemed to have stopped; time didn't move anymore for me, everything was frozen in that instant. All that I could recall in my ears was her words… words that confirmed my fears…

_So she really did hate me. All the times we spent together… the joy I felt, the pain I felt… everything was just a made up by my mind… _

_In the end… it turned up like this…_

_I didn't realize that my happiness came at her expense. _

_I'm so foolish. So very foolish… I should have expected something like this… How could someone like Sachiko ever feel for you?_

"I hate you Yumi, but I…"

_This must be one of the times that fate is playing a cruel joke on me. There can be nothing else… nothing can be the cause of this silent pain._

_I got fooled all along by this heartless game… I should have known better… _

_Yumi… you understood nothing!_

"I couldn't help but love you too…"

_Now you are imagining things as well, Yumi. Sachiko would never say that to you. She hates you!_

_**Silly silly Yumi.**_

_**-**_

**Ogasawara Sachiko. Now you've done it. You weren't even supposed to hint that you loved her. You were supposed to brush her off like a rag doll, hurt her in the worst way possible and make her leave you like she should. You know that all this is the best for her! Why did you say something so stupid!**

_She wanted to know. She wanted to know everything, everything that I had kept bottled up for so long. Perhaps after telling her, she would leave me. Surely she wouldn't stick with someone like me…_

"Do you know why, Yumi? I don't even understand it myself. Somewhere during the times that I spent in your company, I was lost in you. Something about you attracts me, and this attraction is terrifying. I don't you to get hurt; I don't want to hurt you. If I have to choose between these two options, I would rather sever off this relationship then see you suffer because of things I could not control. If protecting you means hurting your feelings now, so be it! This prevents any stronger bonds to be formed that would surely result in greater pain. I love you Yumi. To me, there's nothing better than to just spend a quiet time with you anywhere. You are the oasis in the desert; I am but a lost person wandering throughout the bare plain. You bring me happiness, you gave me life – life that I never knew about even though I'm exposed to so much already – but if I keep drinking and using you, there will be nothing left but another dry depth in the sand. This is the path I have chosen, Yumi. "

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**_The rejection is ringing in my head_**

_**I didn't take in anything you've said**_

**_You hated me – that's all I knew_**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You hate me, don't you?"

"It's something more complicated than this, Yumi. Haven't you been listening to what I've just said?"

"Just answer me. Do you or do you not hate me?"

"…"

"Do you or do you not?"

"…I do."

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**Love was a rainbow**

**In the end, this love couldn't be seen past the stormy clouds, hidden away by the vast sky itself**

**And they say that love is a silly thing, that love overcomes it all…**

**Perhaps yes, perhaps no. Only time will tell.**

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_Tell me it's all a lie._

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- The End -

(edit): Due to my own conscience and a couple of death threats undertones in the reviews, I have decided to lengthen the ending to something a little more fulfilling. –waves peace flag-

A/N: Yup, it's the end. –Ducks rotten eggs and vegetables- I know this is the worst kind of ending to use… but I couldn't help it. T.T There will be an epilogue though. So… be appeased? I'll probably give a very long author's note with the epilogue too. Hmm… and maybe a way too overdue prologue -.-;; I'm sorry that it had to end this way, but I wanted to at least finish this up before my exams for I don't want it hanging like this.

Here's a little something from me to make up for the bad ending. Serious! It's something random that I felt like writing.

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"I just wanted to say…"

_I love you, Yumi, and it isn't going to change anytime soon. Therefore, I will let you go._

_No… I have to let you go… I must let you go._

_Get away from me totally before you get hurt anymore than I've done now. Get away before I hurt you anymore._

I crushed my lips against hers, and pulled her closer to me, closing the distance between us.

_But please… let me have this last one reprieve…_

"Eeewwww… Sachiko-sama… did you brush your teeth this morning? Your breath stinks."

"Oops, I forgot. Hehe… sorry."

"Nevermind her, Yumi! You can always kiss me!"

"Shut it, Sei. She's mine!"

"No, she's mine! You have your own harem already! "

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"C'mon Yumi, don't mind them both. You can always kiss me!"

"Kei-sama… -kiss-"

"WHAT!"

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P.S. Drop me a review? –Offers cookie shyly-


	17. Epilogue

Disclaimer: No characters or references to the anime or manga or OVA or novel belong to me, the plotline does though. If you wish to post my story anywhere, please seek my permission beforehand. Any events created are purely fictional and right from my imagination and any similarities to real life are purely coincidental.

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**Lillian Days**

**Epilogue **

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_I had graduated in ways more than one._

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_**School days were more than just fleeting memories**_

**_Stuck in a past that never moved on _**

_**No wonder everyone says**_

'**_try to leave no regrets'_**

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It's just another day in my life; a Monday as plain and common as any other. I walked down the familiar yet foreign streets, never once halting in my footsteps as I strode purposefully to my destination.

Ten years… It's been ten years since I last stepped foot in this city. No matter how great the environment in the States was, it could never be compared to Japan. This was my home, the place where I retained and acquired all my fond childhood memories. No doubt, everything was more modern and high tech now; nonetheless, it was still recognizable as the place I had lived in some long time ago.

Everything were more or less the same… roads were still paved with the same stones, the same stores still remained – though only few were left – the streets were still bustling with life. Unfamiliar faces flashed by me every now and then; suddenly, I was struck by just how long ten years had been. In the park that I passed by on the way, many kids were flying kites in the large open area. Their expressions of joy and wonder reminded me strongly, almost painfully, that I used to be one of them.

_Just a carefree child with worries only about homework and exams. _

Time really flies. Admittance was the last option I wanted, but things had really changed.

_But I was probably the one who'd changed more though._

I lost contact with many others when I went abroad to live with my parents after the second year at Lillian. However, somewhere within the recesses of my sling bag was a copy of Tsutako's, Yoshino's and Sei's contact numbers. It wasn't anything much… but I had agreed with Tsutako to meet her at the usual place to catch up on the old times.

I stopped in front of building that had flashing neon lights indicating the time.

_Nott's Restaurant… This place certainly brings back memories…_

I stepped into the queue, waiting in line for my turn to be settled down. I was an hour earlier for the appointment; thus, I didn't expect Tsutako or anyone else she had invited to have arrived yet.

"Yumi-san? Is that really you?"

A memory triggered off at the sound of his voice. It was a voice that I had heard with oft whenever I dined here in the past.

"Tsuzuki-san?"

"The very person himself. Oh my, you have certainly blossomed into a fine lady indeed, Yumi. The States certainly did you well."

I gave him a polite smile in return for his statement.

"You've aged with grace too. Are you still working here?"

"Yup, my family took over the business three years ago. I'm currently the head executive for this restaurant and its branches in Japan."

"Wow… It's good to hear that you're doing fine."

"Still as polite as always, Yumi-san. Come on in, I'll give you special seats."

"Thanks. You were always quite the gentleman as I remembered, Tsuzuki."

He flashed me with one of his goofy grins.

_Ah… his trademark smile… It's good to see someone I know again…_

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I entered the restaurant under the lead of Tsuzuki. Glancing around the building, I expected to see new changes but I found none. Everything was as what I could remember. The piano, the arrangement of the dining tables… it had the air of a restaurant that had stopped in time but yet still fitted into the modern days.

_It reminds me of myself…_

I took in the sight of the guests that were already seated, pausing my gaze on two people. Did I see that back view before somewhere? It seems to be… that blonde hair, the short midnight tresses of hair of the other… It could be them… couldn't it?

"Sei-sama? Youko-sama?"

Both of them whipped around, startled at my voice. Youko looked a little stunned at my appearance and I shifted a little involuntarily under her scrutiny.

_Her eyes are still sharp and perceiving like a hawk's._

"Ara… Yumi-chan? Is that really you? When did you come back?"

"Just this morning. Didn't I tell you that already?"

"Ah… I guess you might have mentioned it."

She gave a guilty grin.

_Sei… she's still as forgetful as ever. I had even called her before I went on the plane that I was coming back! But to think about it… she seemed rather busy at that time…_

"I'll leave you with these charming ladies then, Yumi-san. Anyway, your table number is 75, the guest suite."

"Thanks again, Tsuzuki-san."

"It's my pleasure."

-

I found out that Youko and Sei were engaged to each other while talking to them. Sei had proudly announced that their wedding was to be held just two months down the road with that silly grin of hers. This was supposed to be surprising to me, I guess. I didn't know that these two were going out together at all. However, nothing much would be a shock to me anymore. I was pretty much numb to most things; my heart was sealed up under layers of cold hard cement that only something like a flame of infinite degrees could melt away. Nevertheless, I did burst out in fits of laughter as Youko told me how Sei had finally mustered up the courage to propose to her in a movie theater (a challenge set by Youko, no worries about it.). Apparently, the loud and distinct voice of Sei had attracted the attention of the whole theater, and everyone stopped in their actions to watch her.

The movie that was playing (Titanic, I couldn't believe it… they went to watch Titanic?) was paused to accommodate Sei too. I could only smile and shake my head at that; Sei just had to be Sei no matter where she went.

_They knew nothing much about Sachiko, only that her grandfather had died a few years back and that she was married to Kashiwagi not long after she graduated. It was already a fact - a truth - besides, Sachiko herself had acknowledged it. So why bother so much? It's not like she can't take care of herself._

A pang of guilt hit me in the gut.

Both of them had been understanding and respectful of Sachiko's and my decisions. Even though I knew that they were unhappy with how things turned out, I was glad that it didn't turn out to be another confrontation with them and Sachiko. Sei had even pulled me aside after all that mess and asked me whether I was determined to continue with this path.

_I wasn't, but I had to say yes. For that's what Sachiko would have said._

Sometimes I had wondered on common days such as today. Did fleeing to the States resolve any problem? No matter how many times I said 'yes' to my question, I knew that this was not the case. Even with fresh new surroundings, the friendships with different people, I still could not get my mind off her. She was a lingering presence that refused to go away; sometimes I even imagined that I saw a hologram of her. I couldn't stand it anymore but every time I tried to purge her from my memories… she simply claimed a greater portion of my thoughts. Six years ago on a day where these waves of reminiscence hit me with an increased fervor, I reflected on that particular Monday with my more matured self of twenty.

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_**An idiot I was, even now**_

_**But everything changed – for best, for worst, that I don't know**_

_**The soul was crushed**_

_**Though the body remained firm**_

_**What dies had to be once alive**_

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"… I do."

"Then there is no need for further conversation. I know what you want, you know what I want. So let's act mature a little and just let this go. It is what you wanted, isn't it? But then again, you weren't totally fair to me. Would you at least give me a reason for doing this? The reason that made you said what you did."

"Circumstances, Yumi, and the fate that I will not escape. That's all I can offer you."

"I accept."

I turned around and walked away; my face brimming with tears that I could ill afford to let her see.

-

_I was being stupid. Stupid and blinded to so many details that I should have noticed earlier._

Pangs of regrets had assaulted me when I realized just how many hints and clues I had missed out. If only I had sat down and thought about her for once, instead about only myself, I would have noted that many things were wrong right away. Perhaps then, I could possibly come out with a way to help her with her troubles.

_You did the exact opposite of what you've sworn to Youko._

Maybe if time could be reversed… I…

-

_Yoshino told me today that she had taken Touko as her soeur a week ago. _

I entered the changing rooms with my usually soft footsteps, never considering that anyone would be in it. I was more concerned with my own thoughts than anything else right now. Nevertheless, I thought I saw someone disturbingly familiar in the side wing of the building changing from the corner of my eye.

_Sachiko._

_The one person I had tried so hard to avoid in the past few weeks. The person who had slipped into my thoughts yet again._

I hid behind one of the cubicle doors, not wanting to be seen by her.

_The one person I had wanted the most to talk to, to spend time with… although it isn't any more possible than having the sun rise from the west._

I saw her raking the whole area with her eyes, looking out for the presence of any people. Satisfied that no one was around, she took off her blouse.

A silent gasp escaped me from the sight I was treated to.

_What were all those scars on her upper arms and body? Some were straight cuts, others with a slight jagged edge… they looked like old wounds; most had faded with age but there were a couple that looked recent…_

_Did she…_

_**It's not your place, Yumi. Not anymore. You have no more obligations to her… A break is a break.**_

I left the area, taking care to not make any noise that would attract her attention.

_Just drop Touko a message. She'll do something about it. It's not your place anyway. What are you supposed to do anyway, confront her about it? You don't even talk to her when you pass by her!_

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_**Did you ever realize? **_

_**The gaping hole that you had left me with**_

_**I tried so hard to fill it up**_

'_**try to leave no regrets'**_

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I laid my head down on the table, showing a rare moment of weariness and vulnerability. The trip back to Japan had been tiring despite the fact that I was sleeping in the plane. This must be what you'll get after working for 48 hours straight without sleeping to settle some last minute crop-ups.

_An hour earlier… Tsutako will be sure to tease you for the enthusiasm… and worry about your state of tiredness too if you don't perk up right now._

I sighed audibly to no one in particular. This was a splendid guest suite that Tsuzuki led me to, but it was simply too empty for me alone. Youko and Sei had already left due to an appointment with their parents to go shopping together and the head executive was the only person left here that I knew but could not relate much to. He had work anyway.

!knock knock!

I quickly composed myself before calling out.

"Yes? Please come in."

_Ah… talk of the devil._

"Yumi-san, I'm really really sorry, but it seemed that someone else had already pre-booked this room in advance. I must have missed it out by accident. I offer my sincere apologies to you."

"Don't, Tsuzuki-san, we've known each other for a long time already. There's no need to be so polite with me. It's alright really; I was feeling a little bored holed up in this room anyway. How 'bout I go take a walk around your counters while you assign another table for me? Just give me a moment to collect my things and feel free to go on ahead and arrange my stay here."

"Sure. It'll be my pleasure to do so, Yumi-san."

_This room doesn't suit me anyway._

I picked up my sling bag and the novel that I was reading before I got lost in my own thoughts. I stood up, slightly staggering under the weight of the bag and proceeded to the closed doorframe. Having a bad sense of balance from young, I slipped a little on the polished floor of the doorway on my way out.

**Wham!**

_Ouch… _

I knocked into someone whilst I was preventing myself from falling over with the weight of my bag. _Had the weight been doubled by some unknown force without me noticing?_ As I regained my foothold, I glanced up at the person, preparing to apologize for my clumsiness and for any discomfort I had caused.

My words died on me, stopping in its ascent from my throat to my lips. A long hidden part of me recognized the solitary person standing in front of me.

_Sachiko._

I opened my mouth to speak, (_what can I say?) _but she cut me off with a quicker response.

"Yumi? Is that you?"

_Is this a dream? Yumi, have you fallen asleep without knowing?_

It's been ten years since I last heard her voice. The syllable of my name spoken from her lips struck a chord deep within me; her voice played in a place where only she could reach. No one else that I'd met had ever said my name in such a manner before. No… only she could bring such an impact to me.

I remained quiet, still slightly stunned at her appearance before me. At my silence, she spoke again, giving that little frown at her eyebrows which I remembered with stark clearness.

"Sorry, I must have made a mistake. You looked a lot like someone I had known but lost contact with."

_Was it really her?_

I didn't trust myself to speak; neither did I touch her or anything else. If this was a dream, I would rather not wake up right now but choose, instead, to see how things played out.

"Miss? Are you alright? Did you hurt anything when you bumped into me?"

She laid a cool hand on my exposed arms; concern was evident in her midnight eyes.

_You could at least acknowledge her… She was once your Onee-sama after all. Do it for politeness if not for old time's sake._

"Gokigenyou, Sachiko."

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_**You came back to me; angel wings and all**_

_**Were you just a dream – a figment of my imagination?**_

**_All these years… I fled from you_**

**_Why did ten years feel like just a day passed? _**

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We have been talking for almost half an hour now. I didn't know what else I could say without bringing forth the emotions and incidents of a time long ago… It all seemed a little silly now. We were both adults now, with better things to do than stay buried in the past.

_I tried to kill the many thoughts of falsehoods that were racing through my brain._

"I'm sorry for your loss, Sachiko. It must be hard to suddenly lose your father and your husband to a car accident. Please accept my condolences."

"Thank you."

We were being exceedingly polite with each other, but I could hear the strain in our casual conversation. I took in her features as we sat opposite to each other. The ten years had been good to her. She became more so elegant now; her hair worn to just shoulder length, her face with the right amount of makeup… she was dressed in a graceful lavender gown that flowed fluidly at her ankles – her beauty would make any flower wilt with shame.

In short, she was absolutely stunning. _She didn't really change that much either, even though she is definitely happier now._

"Well then, I better get going first. I still have to wait for Tsutako and some other friends of mine at the table. I hope to keep in touch with you, Sachiko."

I gathered my things once more, preparing to exit the room.

_Leave her. Leave everything else. Let things go back to normal. Go back to a life where you are neither bothered nor troubled by her or she by you. Don't hold onto false hopes; they'll only crush you again. Put her out of your life! You don't need her, she don't need you… it will stay that way, nothing else. _

I stood up, ready to give her my goodbyes again.

"Have a nice day, Sachiko."

I didn't notice the conflict she held in her eyes, I didn't want to see anything that would weaken my resolve.

_She spoke up as I was near the door._

"Yumi."

_Pretend that you don't hear her, keep on moving till you're out of her sight. You really don't need to hear this…_

Despite my mind's commands, I replied to her.

"Yes?"

"Let's not put up a show anymore. I can't stand it."

_Circumstances, Sachiko. We aren't exactly close to each other right now in reality, though feelings were a different thing altogether. _

"Were we? I wasn't aware that we were."

"Yumi…"

She stood up. Her gaze leveled with mine, and I was lost once again in her deep blue eyes.

"… Did you know Yumi, that even after a period of ten years, you still haunted my dreams? When you popped up every now and then in fantasy land, I would awake the next day and weep silently for the lost times… for the foolish moments and decisions that I've insisted on making which I thought was the best for you. I discovered that I never really did forget the memory of you, of the joy you had brought to me. Even after I married Suguru, you were constantly in my mind, torturing me with all my previous regrets and reminding me of my weakness of not standing up to my family… of taking the easy way out, of choosing to win in the worst way ever – letting go of you. Did you know all that? Or had you long forgotten about me like I asked you to?"

_The falsehoods were getting stronger and stronger, almost swaying me over to their side. I didn't want to get engulfed in any more pain again. Sachiko… please… just let it go._

"I tried, but I failed to. Just the sight of you now had erased every single moment in the ten years where I attempted to put you away. But that's not the point, it's has been a long time… everything's too late."

_I made foolish choices too… How could I have thought that helping you was letting Touko do all the work?_

"Nothing's ever too late, Yumi. The circumstances are different now; it would work out. I am a free person. I'm free to love anyone as I do without anymore external interferences, without people constantly breathing down on everything action I make. I stand by what I've said ten years ago… but I don't think you've heard it with the emotions on rampage. Hence, I will say it again, albeit a little different."

_Nothing's ever too late…?_

"I love you, Yumi. To me, there's nothing better than to just spend a quiet time with you anywhere. You are the oasis in the desert; but this time, I am no longer a lost person wandering around in the desert. I am a person with no chains and no rules; I know where I am and what I'm supposed to do at my own time and responsibility. You bring me happiness, you gave me life – life that I never knew about even though I'm exposed to so much already – I want to know more, more about this wonder that is you. I want to know how you could remain strong in a condition like the harsh hot plains of the wild."

_You loved me? When did you ever say that during that day when we argued?_

"Do you know, Yumi, that I can't help but keep on loving you… even if we had not kept in contact for ten years, I still miss having you beside me, talking to you about mundane matters of life. Now that fate has given me another chance, would you let me amend what I did? Would you let me recover times that we've lost?"

_I don't know… but maybe… there was a chance… wasn't there?_

_**You won't lose anything more than you did anyway. Just take a chance and voice out! You wouldn't want to make the same mistake again now, would you?**_

"I… I've never said this to you in person, but… I love you. However, times had changed. Both your feelings and mine did not alter in any way, but the body we reside in is no longer the same –different thinking, different habits -; I am no longer the Yumi you knew ten years ago and you are no longer the Sachiko I knew. I am a different person. Can you accept this?"

"Yes, I can; we are all different now. But will you accept this belated development of a relationship, Yumi?"

"I will."

_It sounded like a marriage proposal, but in a way… it probably was, to an extent… _

I sprang into her arms, seeking the familiar embrace that evaded me for years.

We were both stronger now; perhaps this will end in a happy ever after…

_I insist on believing in fairytales._

We kissed.

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**Love was a rainbow after the storm**

**It is a silly thing, a strong sentiment;**

**But without it, pieces remained as pieces.**

**Maybe love was weird in a sense…**

**But then again, everything in this world was weird, wasn't it?**

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_Dear Diary,_

_Contrary to my initial thought, today was not just a common Monday. My times at Lillian seemed so long ago – only a fleeting memory now - and the boulder that I was burdened with was lifted off my shoulders today with ease. Maybe after today, I could go find out how the rest were faring and have a reunion party sometime next month. Life picked up pace a little, I can now hear the birds trilling away in joy and the crickets chirping in melody. Can you believe it? The surroundings seemed more colourful and radiant too… it's a little weird… don't you think so? _

_Diary, do you think that this is the power of love? _

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End of Epilogue

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**A/N: **Oh yea! I'm finally done with the epilogue. Hehe… I hope this was at least satisfactory to everyone? I tried to wrap everything up to my best ability after that somewhat unpopular ending. I do have my reasons for that ending though… I thought that if I showed the details of them solving the problems and discovering each other, it would be too boring and sappy for me to write and for a lot of readers who could predict the ending too… It's a personal belief, but I thought that perhaps this was the reason why many fics go unfinished and why I'll stop reading a fic halfway. Alternatively, I thought that this is a better ending for Yumi and Sachiko and I hope that all of you can understand. Ah… not going to comment on the epilogue itself… (leaving that to everyone else). Sooo… tell me whether it's good enough? Or… -offers sharpened claws and candies-

**Last but not least, thank you for taking your time to read this piece of work that I'd written. **

P.S – I don't know if it was the way I wrote the fic that made Sachiko and Yumi seem OoC or something, but if I could direct you to be in both Yumi and Sachiko's shoes, perhaps some could understand that they are still in character (for me, like one) but simply guided their instincts and actions to a different direction... It's up to your interpretation anyway.

P.S.S – Send me a email or a review stating so if you want a analysis from my point of view :D

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